Alcoholism Support Group

Yesterday on DS, I laughed, in fact a particular picture had me in stiches (he knows who he is)

But then as I tied my day down writing my journal it reminded me of the time I did not laugh, 4 long solitary bloody years, and I never laughed once.

Why well just over 6 years ago, my drinking took its final victim ME, it took my buusiness, ny assets, my money and my so called friends, it damn well near took my soul as well but somehow, I managed to hang to that.

I must admit that at this stage of my life I was suicidal, I could see no light, I could see no way out, as far as I was concerned I was finished, History, Jam Bread.

But was it the drink??hat destroyed everything, Nah of course it was not (I thought), so in the worst depression of my life, I drank, I drank ore than I had ever managed to drink before, and having lost my business I was unemployed and had stacks of time to do it, maybe I had choosen a course of slow suicide, not being brave enough to do it in one go, I do not know.

For 4 long god damn years I drank myself in to total oblivion, losing my business did not seem enough, I had also to lose me as well.

Then my body would no longer play ball with me, it started shaking, sweating, I lost 3 stone in wieght, it just did not want to play anymore, it had let me down (hardly surprising)

Defeated, demoralised and desperate, I sought help, I got sober and slowly some sanity had returned to my life. But I had still not laughed had been so beaten I had lost the plot.

Anyway I bought a boat, and one day out at sea with my son, a huge wave hit us, it covered the boat and my son at the same time, when the wave cleared, my son, was still gripping the wheel, with this great look of detremination in his face to keep us afloat, it suddenly reminded me of some Storm Movie, and then I laughed, I laughed so bloody hard I was rolling around on the deck, my son was laughing there we were alone at sea, laughing our bloody heads off. And I knew, I knew then, that I had come through.

I can't explain that moment, but all the years of turmoil, just unlocked them selves and I knew then and I said it to myself, I said "trickey, your going to be all right now" and I have been and now I continue to laugh, and do wonder how I ever reached such a level of despair, strangely, this moment in my life still brings strong emotions, but now they are good ones.

So I suppouse it does not matter how dark that tunnel looks, if you can hang on in there, give up the shit that is obviously creating it life can and does get truly better

Anway enough, but yesterday here did do something good for me so I wanted to share

Thank you all

Trcikey
Posted on 12/16/07, 07:12 am