Alcoholism Support Group

The bottomline is you can't scare an alcoholic into sobriety.As much as it may hurt you need to close the open door policy.Enabling will only produce his skill at manipulating.If he doesn't want sobriety why should the rest of your family have to pay the price.If there are no consequences to pay for his actions why would he want to stop.Trust God to keep him safe and then let him go.

You are having to deal with so much. You must be at the end of your tether.I stopped drinking a year ago, I was motivated by an English Health Service team and had my own psychologist. I wrote a 'drink journal' everyday for a month. Asked me deep questions why I took to drink, asked about me life. My father and his, both alcoholics. I was then put on a 6 week 'cutting down' programme and I had to attend a weekly meeting with others doing the same. We encouraged each other. Most of us made it. I went to one meeting after that but I didn't even want to hear about alcohol. It was no longer part of my life. In this past year My mother died, I lost my daughter & 2 grandchildren. My beloved dog died. I have sleeping problems, chronic anxety(for 33 years)and have chronic depression, including agoraphobia. None drink related. So many things to 'have just 1 for' something to steady the nerves, something to take the pain away. There is always temptation. I did relapse, if what relapsing means having a small glass of champers on my sons Birthday, I couldn't drink it all. You see, I didn't need it, didn't want it. I don't always cope with things brilliantly, but I do cope with them sober. Through all my drunken days, my husband stayed, he loved me. My family stayed, watched me make a complete fool of myself. The only one who was stressed and frustrated with me was my eldest daughter, she disowned me. She still chooses not to forgive me. I have to say also, that you say you have let go and 'let God' if you had, you would not be feeling like this. You have to stand back in your heart and soul too. Love your son, hate what he does to you. When you say that when you talk with him, you both shout and get angry, he is pushing your buttons!! but, you should be in control of you, it is you who decides to shout, it is you who decides to be angry. He may not be in control, but you can be. He is scared, hurt, bitter, resentful. He is your son, just love him. Tell him quietly and with nothing attached, love him as he is, tommorrow you or he could be hit by a truck. Love conquers all, the greatest gift of all is Love. Love yourself, take care of yourself. I sit here looking at my husband, in my head I am saying thank you for standing by me after I have hurt you so much. I close my eyes and say thank you Lord.
I had faith, you never let me down.
Keep good friends by you, it's what they are there for, chat to one of us here, I am always around although English time. Put that trust totally in God, thank Him more than you ask Him for things. I thank God your son speaks to you, I hope and have faith that one day my daughter will speak to me.

I'm not just an alcoholic. I am the adult child of an alcoholic and former spouse of an alcoholic, and parent of a potential alcoholic. It all sucks and sucks the life out of you.

I never blamed my parents, parentified my children, or became the infant spouse/parent. I am my own enabler, protector, and little old person.

In the end, the only person you can save is yourself.

Get down from the cross, we need the wood. :-) Laying down your life will not help anyone. The only people who can take care of an alcoholic long term are the people raised by them. I did all the studying I could to try and save my family. It didn't work. My children never went without or lifted a finger. One is still a drunk. My Dad died from Alcoholism anyway. I do find going right to the horse's mouth most truthful and more beneficial. Talking with a recovering alcoholic is like getting a chance to talk to your loved one sober. Otherwise, you are talking to the alcohol - cunning, baffling, and powerful. They will lie, deny, and blame somehow until they die. You can outlive them and be there for those who want to live. Where there is something in return. It is you or them. You can die for them if you want. They'll find another host in no time. If they are going to quit, they will quit when they are ready to quit. Not when other people are ready for them. Most don't quit. If they have enablers and protectors, they bury them all first. I wouldn't let anyone take my place but don't count on that, if they have never been in your shoes and are all too content to bury you first.

Do you want to live? I didn't want to take anyone with me, and certainly no innocent bystanders or family members. I was aware of that. It takes all in its path. It will take you too.

No one forced me to drink and no one could force me to stop. Nothing or no one made me an alcoholic. (and I come from a very abusive past)

Stay with Al-Anon!!!! IT really doesn't matter what would work for an alocholic at this point, it matters what would work for a person that loves an alcoholic and that's where AL-Anon is amazing. If you don't like your local meetings go to www.dicobe.com (I have no affilliation) for some Al-Anon speaker CDs. They are GREAT!!!! Also get some literature from local, open AA meetings. The pamphlets are free and there should be some about dealing with an alcoholic in your life.

When you're a lifeguard at a pool (this is true, I was one) you never jump in when an adult is drowning in the deep in. NEVER! Because no matter what size that adult is, the addreniline they have will take you down in their panic. Same goes for an alcoholic - we'll take you down if you let us. It's a disease, it's the only disease that tells us we don't have it. He MUST learn from his own experiences that he has a problem otherwise he'll never believe it. I would strongly recommend staying with Al-Anon or whatever else works for you. Just because SOME of us are "recovering" from alcoholism, doesn't mean we aren't alcoholics and won't manipulate advice. Good luck.

An old saying I hear some 24 years ago... You cannot scare an alcoholic sober but you can sober a scared alcoholic... we all have to hit a bottom that scares us into getting help. Once we say that we need help, the recovery can start... follow the suggestions of Fenway13 and seek help for yourself so that you can be there when you son is ready.