Alcoholism is a powerful craving for alcohol which often results in the compulsive consumption of alcohol, an addiction. The cause of this craving is heavily debated, but the most ...
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absent companions
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here is something that i wrote, and shared at his eulogy fro a friend of mine... one that could not get sober. here it is.
Monday, July 10, 2006 absent companions One of my shipmates committed suicide this saturday. He strangled himself in the middle of the night. He is Willy Hanson. He was a good kid, who just couldnt get things right. He was an alcoholic and a former drug addict. He joined the Navy to get out of his environment and hopefully to make something good out of himself. He was caught underage drinking last november while going to BESS(Basic Enlisted Submarine School). He went into Subscol restriction in january 2006, and was given a choice on wether he wanted to stay in the Navy, or to pack his bags and go home. He chose to stay in. He knew that he didn't have anything that could be as good an opportunity as the Navy, and he knew that he messed up. The thing is though that he was an alcoholic. After fighting to stay in the navy, he was presented an opportunity to get high while in restriction. He was caught, and his Navy career was over at that point. There was no one else to blaim for this, but himself... and he could not deal with that fact. He went UA before having to go back to Captain's Mast to where it would become official that he was getting kicked out. He completely relapsed. Hanson came back to face the things that he had done after going on a month-long vacation. The Inevitable happened. He was put back on restriction, and was to be given an other than honorable discharge. He got sober again while in restriction, and again realized how much he messed up. He decided to fight the discharge, and believed that he could be a beneficial part of this man's Navy. He was fighting it and doing well too. His girl was pregnant and he was going to try to do right by his future child. Then he got out of restriction. He found out that his girl had cheated on him while he was in resriction. And he was now of legal age to drink. He got drunk again and again and again. He could not stay sober. He was even drinking when he should have been at work. He would have had a hard time dealing with his problems sober... he was incapable of doing it while drunk. his name was Willy Hanson, and he took his life late in the night when by himself in his barracks room on July 8 2006. His roommate found him with the cord still around his neck early Sunday morning. He was a friend, and he couldn't stay sober. I will miss him, because he was at his heart a good person. Willy, I wish you had taken me up on the offer to go back to AA, because you might still be here, and I wouldn't be crying . Posted on 10/18/07, 03:10 pm |
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i have so many stories like yours and, yes, some are mine. i am a good person and my brother and my father were good people and probably every funeral i've been to this past year have been "good people,".for those who attended funerals of those in my family and those i loved -may you rot in hell if you never even tried to connect when they were so incredibly alive but sinking. as for me,i just know i am not an idealist anymore and that is so g-damn sad. so sad. to have the ability to make one person feel you are concerned and loving is a helluva lot better than sitting in your meetings and esposing nothing but platitude or rhetoric of a time gone by. b.s. excuses for your selective memories. as for me, i think of those people this way: you may scrub and you may scrub but the stain will always be there.devonh 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
It is a horrible fact of alcoholics that some of us die so we can stay sober. Hopefully we don't have to travel that road. My sponser told me that when I lost a dear friend to booze. You are in my prayers. M
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i sound as if i might have a teensy-tiny resentment.i do. must i work on this? you say i have to to maintain my sobriety but i know i do not want to leave people with their consciences clear. you hit upon my achilles heel, jimmysqui..., yep, you went and did it.i atay sober for a good length of time but memory intervenes and the absolute God-honest-truth is i cannot stand the sight of those hipocrites-especially in my family- who could have reached out but did not and afterwards pronounced the dead as choosers of their fate. i hope-for my life- i, one day, get beyond this but i will forthrightly tell you that people should still be in this world but were judged, pronounced guilty, and discarded like garbage without a second thought. when i read something like this,when i hit the keyboard like this, i know... i am killing myself with resentment.love, devonh
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It is very sad Jimmysqui to lose some one especially so tragicly. I don't understand why one person gets it(sobriety) and another doesn't. The longer I am around the program the more I see it.
It is not fair. That is why I take it so seriously and reach out my hand to the new person. That is why I take phone calls in the middle of the night. That is why I go to meetings when I'de realy rather not. Because you know if that person you are reaching out to is another Willy Hanson and that what you say or do will be a deciding factor in their life. You will probably never forget Willy. What you do is a tribute to him and all the others that sobriety came by death. I believe God takes care of fools and little children. And one more thing...the reason I do those things I mentioned is to keep me sober. I wish you well Jimmysqui. Okiegirl
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Dear Jimmy,
Your Story is "HEARTFELT" especially when our lose is through suicide. May God comfort you during these months so that you can feel his LOVE for you. I have known way too many people through the years that have Od'd either through intent or accident. I started drinking and using at 13 that was in the late 60's so needless to say what that was like. I also have a SISTER right now that can't put down the bottle, an only child that has been on this road for 6 years. A brother in PRISON, and a Father that is dry. Me in Recovery for 13.8 years. What I do know is that I made a choice to "STOP DRINKING" I hit a bottom that said I was FINISHED I couldn't die I kept trying to kill myslef with booze and drugs for years. I gave up and gave my life over to my GOD. I am pooped out Goodnight for now. Tamar
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i had a friend named miles- he was funny, sharp, and he loved the program. doing so well. his mom was also in our home group. well, miles was divorced and he got hooked up with the wrong woman and after good time in the program, he used again. some blamed the girlfriend but we all have choices. all i know is i loved him-his last name was sims- and his body was found in sim's bayou. his mom died shortly afterwards. i hate this disease not just because of the deaths in my family but because of so many lost who had the potential of setting the world on fire with their talents.by the way-if i am sounding in the first comment as if i am blaming anyone , it is the face i see in the mirror which i know is irrational. love to all, devonh
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Devon:Iam sorry to hear of your recent losses .
I have lost 3 friends in recovery in the past 24 months and each one of them was sick.. My mother has attempted suicide twice ,, of which i found her both times...( i was a young boy of 9 and 10 yrs old) Suicide is a very selfish act.. but an act of a very sick and hopeless individual... two thingsi i will add... my AA friends that committed suicide.. didn't tell a single soul they were suicidal...and I sponsored the sponor of one of them... (I even gave the guy his one year medallion the night before and drove him back out to his farm. because his sponsor was out of the country for work) This guy was also an employee of mine who i worked side by side with for a year and a half.. My mother never told my dad or my uncle or anyone else we have talked to in the years since that she was suicidal... not everyone else is to blame for these unfortunate acts ... the person that does the deed is ultimately responsible.. the only excuse is mental illness that the patient has never gotten relief from in all of the situations in my life... I don't know if any of this is similar to your situation.. but it is exactly what it was in mine.. God Bless botbotcoco www.londonppbbs.com
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this is all too common a story. Whether in AA or out, the alcoholic that is practicing is always in danger of doing this.
And well..devon. I am sorry you have to go through this. The only thing that i have to say is. you can't control the way your family members are. the only thing that you can do and control is what you do. I know of a few ppl that wrote Willy off. I never did. But i also couldn't help him. The only thing that i could do was to let him know that there was always a seat for him if he ever wants it. And on his last days... well, one time he stumbled up to the AA van, and asked if it would be ok for him to come. We said of course, that there was always a seat open for him. At this point he said well, tomorrow, he didn't want to show up at hte meeting drunk. We said ok. this was 2 days before he killed himself. He gave no one a hint that he was going to do it. Everyone was floored. I will never forget him. that is the promise i made to myself, to some of our mutual friends. i will keep his name close to my heart until the day i die. do i hurt myself by doing this? some might htink so... but i will not run from this emotion. he was my friend, and i will not do him that disservice. Also, when i was going through the shock of his death... i was sorely tempted to drink. But i didn't, because if Willy knew that i had for him... that owuld hurt him so much. As to whether he is in hell, heaven, or wherever he might happen to be... i will not add that burden to his already drowning soul.
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i posted this on here about a year ago, and every now and then i go over it, because it is such an important thing for …
What i am putting down is what ended up being his eulogy... one of the best and most honest memorials i have been to... …
HOPE YOU ALL STAY SOBER.
