Alcoholism is a powerful craving for alcohol which often results in the compulsive consumption of alcohol, an addiction. The cause of this craving is heavily debated, but the most ...
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How do I support my friend?
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One year ago, I got to know my upstairs neighbor (after he moved out) and we've become very close. I care very deeply about him. I can not believe how blind I've been though...he has a problem with alchohol. I know this for certain, because he was in between homes for two weeks and stayed with me for a week. While he was here, he decided to detox. He never warned me what he was going to do...I did my best remain calm and keep him hydrated with gatorade, water and juice. He told me after that he trusted me to do this with me. However he's been gone for two weeks, in his new place, and we've barely spoken. For the past year, we've talked daily. In the past two weeks, we've spoken 5 times. I really wanted to talk to him to see if he would be open to the two of us going to an AA meeting. I feel like he's uncomfortable now...embarrassed. I want to support him and I understand that he needs to choose to go AA. What can I do to support him?
Posted on 10/06/08, 11:10 pm |
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Thank you to all who replied...I really appreciate the advice. I wish you the best... 
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might as well ask him. it just can't hurt.
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I can only tell you my experience, I really hope you live and let live, I lived with someone for 8 years who although not drinking (I think,) substituted it with dope same results I never knew what was going to happen next as soon as we split up he went back to drink.I allowed him to use me, PLEASE dont go there! I stayed sober through out and still sober thank god and thank A A
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I would suggest Alanon for you....great organization for someone who has an alcoholic in their life....You cannot live this persons life or sober him up, period.....but you can find out why "you" seem to feel that you are this persons care-giver....It might be a good thing that he has moved away from you, for your own sanity....
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I think you are taking a big leap in thinking that I believe I'm his "care giver"???? I asked a general question on what I could do as his friend to support him.
Thanks for the Alanon suggestion though...I've already looked into that. Thankyou
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wow, some pretty firm ideas here sligo about what you should do, eh? We all have no idea what your friend is up to. Let him know you are his friend and available if he needs help in recovery (not if he is using), that is enough. Let him figure this out on his own, and you take care of you. Just move on and if he calls be firm in your help only if he is in recovery. We addicts use people when we are drinking, stay clear! Congrats on the weight loss btw, awesome.
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Thank you Karmickiss... I think that you make a great point about recovery. I talked to him last night by the way and he said he is day 18 without a drink. I noticed a difference in our level of conversation. I now realize when he was drinking for example, he repeated himself quite a bit.
Thanks for taking the time to reply...
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I enabled my husband (X) for the 12 years I quit by letting him do it.
I figured I owed him a LOT for what he put up with when I was drinking. When I asked that he quit, he didn't so I left knowing he would. When that didn't work, I filed cause for SURE he'd quit then. Been divorced a year last June. :( It may work for you. (?) Just remember, for SOME, that affair with alcohol is a LOT stronger than the love (friendship) for a woman (or anything else that matters.) If you're serious, don't "settle" and allow him to do it. It will NEVER EVER change if you do that. And remember TOO, if he decideds his love for alcohol is stronger than the love (friendship) for you, it's NOT your fault!!!!
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He may be hiding out.
Detoxing changes everything in your body. He could be resting and readjusting. He also may have relapsed and is still drinking and isolating. You can't help him. I know you care but this life change has to be his decision. You can't baby him Be patient and let him be. I wouldn't contact him. I hope things work out for the best.
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Oh yes, Alanon is a great program. It really addresses co dependency issues..
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