Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) Support Group

First of all, who is the boyfriend? Do you know him and his family? I think that we need to remind ourselves that it is normal to want a boy/girlfriend at that age. I would treat him like you would your dtr's other friends. Meet him, size him up, meet his parents and offer opportunities for a good friendship to grow, under your direction and supervision. It's hard because as our kids get older, we need to loosen up on the reins a little bit. HARD TO DO!!! Good luck.

thanks. i haven't met the him yet. she just sees him at school. i think it's just a crush. i worry because she looks for older men.like billy joel of green day, not that she would ever meet him, but i wonder why she's attracted to him, but then i remember the beatles,when i was twelve.

I think that's because we are bombarded with all the ideals of what we should be attracted to by the media. If you have instilled her with good values, what she sees on tv won't affect her judgement too much. It's a good thing she can tell you about her crush, it means she trusts you. If you let her know what she feels is normal, then she will be open with you. Be sure you discuss sex as age-appropriately as possible. Sex is normal, but kids are doing it younger and younger. If we prepare our children they will be better equiped to handle the situations as they arise and not be pressured to make choices they don't want to make. This is a hard age. Good luck.

I agree entirely with VBlanchette.

I have three daughters, 16, 15 and almost 12. The older two have had boyfriends but not the baby yet. She isn't ready. She has had a crush on the boy across the street. She'll be starting middle school in a few weeks, I'm guessing it will only take a couple weeks before she starts showering more regularly and paying attention to herself for the sake of a boy (or some boys...)

We've found all of the middle school years are hell. Do you remember it like too?

I hope the two of you can keep the lines of communication open, it is so very important!

Well, my 11 year old just had her first incident with a 'boyfriend' or should I say 2. We have always told her the boyfriends were out of the question right now... not important. This last summer she became really good friends with this boy, we have met his family and such but they dont go anywhere together out of my sight. Since school has started (they go different schools), there have been more boys... UGH! I have tried to explain to her that it is not allowed and she needs to focus on other things. But I am just mom... I know nothing... RIGHT! Yesterday Cody (boy from school), calls and they have a tiff in which he wants to know why 'everyone' knows they are going out and hangs up when she says she only told one person. As she is talking to me about it... my h has to pipe in and ask the forever annoying question.. "Where ya all goin?" I wanted to bust up laughing when she kept saying nowhere... but we were 'going out'. I now see how my mom got so much pleasure out of that question... lol.
Anyways, this boy in our neighborhood, has thought they were going out and my daughter didnt think so... to make a long story short (kinda) she was basically cheating. But how is this possible when she isnt supposed to have boyfriends to begin with. Well, we have installed a new rule... NO BOYS CALLING THE HOUSE!! Except for school projects and such. Is this the right move or am I just asking for her to do something behind my back?? Please some advice??

Something as harmless as hand holding can get old and boring really quick...then what? I would tell her taht he can come over for dinner or to do homework, but they must stay at the dining room table or somewhere else in a centralized location. Instate a nno touching rule also, not even holding hands. Let her label the relationship how she wants but to you it should be friendship and you know the bounds of that. As far as the phone, let them takl but again not alone in her room, make her sit within ear shot that way you can get the gist of the conversation. Allowing her to spend time with him shows that you are allowing her to grow up but also that she has limits. Good Luck!! I have 4 daughters 10,9,6,6 (two are SD) but my DH and I are dreading the years ahead!

Oh no! No boyfriends until she is 16,and even if my kid try to sneak a boyfriend...I would probably have a stroke.
Good Luck Mom!

I would ask what having a boyfriend means. You never know.
If it sounds like much of anything, I would plan to meet his family, say, have them over for dinner. You want to know what type of person he is.