What is Ages 5-8 Big Kids
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and frustrations faced by parents of 5 to 8 year olds. The major areas of child development include:
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Child with low self-worth
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It drives us crazy. He feels he deserves nothing. He will throw away all his favorite things (we let him, and he doesn't look back). He won't make an opinion of his own. If he is in a bad mood, he will go to bed and take all his sheets and pillows off because "he doesn't deserve them"
We try hard to get him to have a higher confidence level, and higher self-esteem. We ask him for his opinion (with open minds). He won't even discuss anything he likes. He refuses to make a Christmas list usually. He does have a big heart and always does for others and loves to donate to charities. We think it may stem from his visitations with his dad. It is so frustrating because our family is full of such happy people, who usually do not get mad or yell. We only get mad when he says what he thinks we want to hear instead of his own opinion. We tried a therapist who helped with his anger issues from his dad's visits, but then he started lieing to the therapist. We don't let him play video games often, he has a healthy diet, in great physical shape, and we even have him in a Catholic school now (which has helped tremendously!!) We just hate to see him so depressed. He has no friends (he tries too hard and fits in with adults better) and this upsets him so much. Anyone heard of this? I have a neighbor with the same trouble with her step-son in regards to "not deserving anything" Posted on 01/05/07, 01:01 pm |
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This is a tough one. I'm sure one of the "professionals" on the advisory board will also have an opinion... but my son has suffered from low-esteem at times in his life too. I try to boost his confidence by encouraging him and supporting him in areas in which he displays strong strengths and interests.
I think it's great that you often ask your son's opinion. You're showing him that his opinion does matter. Have you tried giving him choices? Instead of forcing him to come up with things on his own? For instance... would you like Pizza or Pasta for dinner tonight? Or giving him a choice in the movies that you see? Starting with small steps and letting him know that he's made wise decisions, might help boost his confidence. Also are there any sports or any hobbies that he excels in? If not, could you introduce him to something that he might be good at? I don't have experience with the "not deserving" aspect but it seems like you're letting him know that he is deserving and that his opinion does matter. I know you mentioned that he WAS in therapy... but I wouldn't give up on that... I know a lot of people thrive with even more therapy or perhaps you may need to look into a new therapist. Also, there are several good books on raising boys. You might want to look into some of these: Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon Raising Confident Boys by Elizabeth Hartley Brewer Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph Good Luck! 
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Your son sounds like my daughter. She does the same thing almost on a daily basis. My hubby and I are always wondering if we have done something wrong. She has this way of cutting herself down, and she even hits herself sometimes. I know this sounds silly, I don't know how old your son is but my daughter is 6 and sometimes this works for her. We hug her, tight and tell her we lover her and that Jesus made her and he wouldn't create junk that doesn't deserve anything. We tell her all of the good things she has done and how happy she has made us. Almost instantly her face lights up and she seems ok. Sometimes they just need re-assurance that they are ok. The world is always making them feel like they aren't ok.
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We have tried both sides. We have tried reassuring him, and also letting him vent without "coddling" We want to make sure it wasn't for attention.
He is 8 and has been doing this for a few years. The therapist says he is trying to get negative attention. We give him so many opportunities, and treat him with respect, but he just can't help it sometimes. If he buys lunch at school, he will lie when I ask what he had. Or other things small like that.
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