Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group

Hi, I just posted something similar in the bereavement community - but it was pertaining to the death of humans... however, I think you might be able to take something from it and apply it to animals.

Also, I'm going to post some great book recommendations that you might want to check out.

I'm cutting and pasting my comments below: Keep in mind, this was my response to a grandfather passing away.

REPOST FROM BEREAVEMENT COMMUNITY: When my Mother passed away, my youngest children were way too young to understand... but I have wanted to keep my Mom's spirit alive, so I do tell them that they have a grandma who lives in heaven and we often send her balloons. They love the idea that she is receiving them.
Also, their great-grandfather recently passed away and the two things that I think are important to stress to children (if you decide to discuss "death" with them) is to make sure they know the person was VERY OLD, you don't want to upset them and have them start thinking that YOU (or even themselves) might "die" anytime soon.
We told our kids that grandpa's body was very, very old and it just stopped working. They took it very well.

Also, if you use the term "sick" I would, once again, clarify and let them know it wasn't just a "cold" or anything like that.

My 4-year-old son has been way too exposed to death because we have had to attend several funerals in his young life. He knows that we die and go to heaven and don't come back. He says that he doesn't want to die, and we assure him that it won't happen for a long, long time.

His goldfish Dorothy just died, and he was fine about it until my husband mentioned flushing it down the toilet. I told him to remember Nemo, that all drains lead to the ocean, and Dorothy's body would go to the ocean. Later, he said to me, "So the fish in the ocean all swim in the pee and poop?"

I told my 5yr old the truth about her fish, that he went to heaven and she cried. That was a year ago. Just last night she brought it up again and began and sobbed about how much she loved him and how she never can see him. Since then we have two cats, another fish and a bird. She still cries for that fish. I wish i said he went to the fish doctor!

I just wrote about our dog's passing in my journal entry. I am re-posting it here just as an FYI.

FROM JOURNAL:

We finally did it! We told the little ones about their beloved C.J. They were very sad (especially Calli, our 3 year old). She was inconsolable for a few minutes... and then I presented them both cute, little fluffy dogs that resembled C.J. I told them that they could hug the little dogs whenever they were feeling sad. Then we wrote notes to C.J. and attached them to helium balloons, we set them free and watched them until they disappeared into "Heaven."

Later we read "I will always Love You" (which I totally recommend for the loss of a pet). They laughed and cried about the little boy and his beloved dog.

And then came the dreaded talk about "Heaven." They wanted to know what it's really like, if they have dog beds and what exactly happens to your body. I explained (thanks to a much earlier post from our awesome co-founder, Doug) about the possibility of reincarnation and how C.J. might come back as a tree, a flower or something very beautiful like that. And after a moment of silence, Calli burst into tears and said, I don't want C.J. to come back as a tree. I want C.J. to come as C.J. That just broke my heart.

After a few more tears and a lot of group hugs, the kids finally fell asleep.

I have a feeling it won't be the last time I see them before morning... but that's okay, it's a great excuse for extra hugs -- which isn't such a bad thing.

We will always love you, C.J.