Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

Shes at that age, where doing something with a parent, (unless it involves ending up with lots of goodies), is not at all attractive, and if at all possible, is not going to happen!! My 15yr old twin girls, are just the same...They don't want to be seen anywhere with me, especially out and about, or in front of their friends. Typical teens..It sounds like your daughter does want to do something for her birthday, but just not with you, and its not at all personal, and if you throw a surprise party, my guess is that she will freak, and if you understand where shes coming from, in terms of the late teen condition, of feeling a HUGE parental embarressment factor, you'll understand, and work with it...friends over..not, (so that you will be seen and might interact with them! Not not cool...)

It must be very tough for you, not having a caring partners support, a stroppy 16 yr old is no joke, often challanging, stress inducing, and very reactive..But you could try letting her go a bit, and ultimately let her learn to take more responsibility, maybe make a deal, the more she tries in school, the more she gets?..also maybe she could be given some money for her birthday, and be told that she can spend it with her friends, as she chooses, out together, but on their own? and that you won't join them..If thats what she wants?
Or if there is enough money for a meal out in a restaurant, for you her and some friends, let just them go together, and not with you tagging along. Mine took seven out for a meal, I booked the place, cheap pizza! and icecream, and they had a great time..Messed around, took photos, and said it was a great time out..
If doing something just her and her friends, isn't good enough, then just drop it, and tell her if she has any better ideas, to tell you, but otherwise you are done on the subject.
They do see their 16th as huge, and she has turned down two suggestions that both involve you being there, which does explain what she wants in a way..or just hand her some cash, and say do as you choose?- Shes a big girl now...let her decide what she wants for her 16th, within your budjet, and if at all possible, avoid confrontation with her, otherwise she will then maybe 'blame' you for ruining her big day...You sound like a great caring mum, and if you stay calm about it all, you should get through it, with the minimum of upset, for all. And with her looking back on her 16th, with good memories..Very best of luck!!

I understand that you love your daughter so much and you want to do something special for her sweet 16... but I think that she's being selfish with the whole if I can't have what I want, then I don't want anything stuff. I'm a single mom too and I know there's no way in hell I'd be able to afford a 2 day shopping trip for my kid AND her friends in the city. Jeez, that's a tall request. Maybe you should take her and her friends to a homeless shelter so they can see what it's really like to want.

hi ,no dont surprize her . she will hate you for it. my daugter sounds like she was made from about the same cloth. she spent her 16 birthday in a alchol rehab. she wanted to go to a hotel with her friends in the city and just walk around and stuff, before all that took place. I was going to go and get one near her to monitor. so that maybe a suggestion

She doesn't want a big deal made out of her birthday. Well, fix her favorite dishes and make a cake for family only. It isn't really a big deal but you get to celebrate a little.

I have a daughter going on 16 as well. And we all are planning her sweet 16 birthday soon also. Either way you look at it it's going to cost a few dollars. I allways try to use common sense and reason with my kids. If you explain to her that you can't afford a 2 day shopping trip with friends, but you might be able to meet her half way on something, she should be able to accept that.

Would it be possible to do a family get-together?... grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Have each of them bring a dish if finances are too tight to feed them all.

Lol, ooohhh sweet sixteen. I'm 18, and I KNOW that was my worst year. I was a totally unbearable brat! Definetely don't do nothing, she's just being sulky about not getting what she wants, but saying no was good, teenagers need to hear no, they need to know that finances are an issue and they can't be selfish (of course, don't tell her she's being selfish, lol, just tell her you can't afford it, she should understand but will probably still sulk about it). DEFINETELY do something! Inivte her friends over, put out some munchies and pizza, rent some romantic comedies and leave the house for a few hours so her and her friends can relax alone and talk about boys and whatever else. Trust me, she will feel neglected if you do nothing.

You should definatley NOT do nothing.. That will only lead to her blaming you for her feeling inadequate about herself in years to come.. LOL.. What you could do is tell her how much money you are able to spend and see if she has any good ideas on what to do for that money.. 16 is HUGE and needs to be celebrated in some way.. After you tell her the amount if she decides she doesn't want to do anything then don't plan any activities and take that extra money and sock it into a better gift to surprise her with... I don't know how much you're looking to spend, but I'm pretty crafty.. I'm a single mom with slight to none help from the father.. My parents were single and my dad was cheap.. So I've grown up learning how to make fun out of little..

Best of luck..

My daughter wanted a big party and a shopping spree. Unfortunately, we were still rebuidling and replacing everything we lost from Katrina. I told her she could have some money (decide what you can afford) and go shopping or I could have a small party for her at a resturaunt. She took the money and ran!