What is Ages 12-18 Teenagers
Adolescence is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood (gender-specific, manhood, or womanhood). Someone in Adolescence is called a Teenag...
Join Now
|
Daughter's First DUI...What to do now?
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Three days ago, my 18 year old daughter imbibed to BAC level of .22 and wrecked her car, crashing into a parked car with no other passengers. She had to be hospitalized for some perioed (perhaps a day) and they also discovered THC / marijuana in her system. She was given a DUI -- her first -- as well as a ticket for leaving the scene of the crash and I don't know that full story yet because she lives with her mother 1500 miles away and I've not been able to speak to my daughter personally about this yet. This happened in DuPage County, Illinois (a suburb of Chicago).
I've been researching penalties in Illinois for 1st time DUI with BAC over .16 and they look pretty stiff (two years license suspension and possibly 0-12 months in jail). My daughter works part time and goes to college 15 miles away, so without a car, she may be facing loss of both. My Ex-wife says she can't afford an attorney and I am so totally strapped myself due to child support payments that are so way out of the legal limits, I too can't get her attorney at this time. She is an adult now and will have to pay the consequence of her bad judgement and what may be an alcohol addiction. I saw this coming and tried to reach out to her to help her, but she is so far away, I can only be of limited assistance and only when she lets me into her life which has not been often. My Ex engaged in parental alienation against me from 2002 to 2006, illegally preventing me from all contact with my children but the authorities would not enforce my visitation or do anything to help. I've gotten involved with new legislation to address this chronic problem in our society (i.e. lack of visitation support)but in the mean time, my eldest daughter became a casualty of PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome)and grew up during key years without me, her father. Teenage alcohol & drug abuse (and related accidents) are a classic outcome of parental alienation, but I couldn't stop it with the laws so anemic to help prevent it. So I've got several things I want to help my daughter with to the extent that I can. I'm mostly sad for her because I know her life is total dog doo now, but I want to help her -- and primarily to get better if indeed her alcohol use / abuse is an addiction. Any advice you might offer on teenage alcohol / drug abuse, DUI offenses, alternative transportation, or other ideas you might have to offer will be greatly appreciated. Her mother and common law step father (significant other but owner of the home my daughter lives in) are talking about shipping her off to the military which may not be a bad idea but I don't think my daughter is cut out for that and she may end up in even more trouble than as a civilian. And I'm not crazy about her possibly being shipped off to war right now, either. Your ideas or suggestions? Posted on 01/27/08, 04:01 am |
| 10 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Your daughter made the choice to drive and crash her car.
At 18 it's her problem, don't make it yours. You can offer moral support but anything else would just delay her recovery. As for the military again it's her choice to join. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I agree that it's her problem for her bad choice but understand your worry about addiction - you implied to past behavior. There isn't a ton you can do from where you are at but being 18 she can chose to come see you mother liking it or not you can send her a ticket for an extended visit and with the accident just happening she might just take you up on it to get out of there for a bit. Once she's with you go from there.
Military....had two cousins in about 10 years back - one went in because of drug use and trying to clean himself up...he did but he also said it was not due to any help from the military as drugs were there in abundance... GL
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I would just be there for her. She is going to need some one to talk to that isn't judgmental. She made a mistake, one she is going to have to answer for. I would definitely send her a ticket with an no time limits. I am sure there will be time limits due to court hearings.
I don't think the military will clean anyone out unless they want to be clean...so thats kind of a useless thought. I am not against it, it did wonders for my family members but they wanted it. She is 18 and she has to make that decision anyways. I wish you well and your daughter also. Morgaine
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Has she had a psych evaluation --- could this have been an attempt at suicide given the fact that there were no passengers , she drove into a pole and her levels? Regardless, I hope she gets help. Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
18 ? ...ummm I'd say the most she needs is a hug and some money to help her . At 18 she probably won't love you any more or any less whether you pay her way out of this or not , of course she'd appreciate it but that could be it and a chance to sigh in releif if you bail her out . Does she want to visit and see you ? She's an adult ....anyhow I hope one day you can reunite with your daughter its not the best of circumstances but nonetheless all the best in her outcome with the law .
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
What is happening to you is what I am worryed about. The x has been pasing for about 5 years now. Now daughter dont want to see me. I am going to court soon and I hope someone listens.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Regardless of anything, this is your DAUGHTER. Do the right thing, be there for her in any way shape or form.
There should be some type of community support services in the local area to help her. What about Alcoholics Anonymous. Do ANYTHING possible, even if its to just talk with her Granted its not your problem, but she is your daughter. She needs help.........in dealing with this issue.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You know part of me says well she did this now she has to pay. But in all honest this is your daughter. You should help her in anyway you can. But in helping her legally you also need to help her realize that this was a stupid decision on her part and she should be grateful she didn't kill herself or another innocent person. Kids at one time or another will make stupid decisions. We can't be with them 24/7. But we can make sure that they learn from their mistakes. Call her and ask her what you can do to help and that you will in anyway possible. At 18 she is legally an adult so her mom can't stop her from seeing you. Good luck. Teenagers can be tough at times. The best thing we can do is love them and support them the best way we can.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
There is always the old saying ."The Door is always open"because reall parents cannot always support their older children if you can you can if you can't you can't . Wishing you can help is sometimes all there is ...older children know that they can't get a DUI every day of the week where you will be able to bail them out it really doesn't matter if its one time or time and time again . If you're their for the child in court maybe they'll go easy on the first time penalty and there is such thing as probationary license to drive too and from school only , I'm sure there is such a thing .
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I believe in the one time rule. If your child hasn't been in trouble before you bail them out and stand beside them. BUT you let them know it is a one time only thing. You will always be there for them and always hold their hand and love but you will only physically and monetary help them once. Hopefully your daughter will only need the one time rule. In the meantime, take whatever holiday time you have and spend it with our daughter I think she is asking for help in all the wrong ways.
|
|
|
|
||
