Parenting Newborns & Infants (0-1) Support Group

my mil went thru something similar. she started babysitting a 6mo old boy for his dad who just never showed up to pick him up one day. she wound up going thru all the red tape to be his foster mom since the mom and dad either didnt want him or were coked up in jail, etc. the whole thing was a disaster since she got attached to him and wanted to adopt him, but the druggie mom kept going to rehab to get cleaned up so they made it drag on forever. the mom wound up getting custody back only to have him taken away when she passed out in a sleazy motel room and the then 3yr old was found wandering the main road in nothing but a dirty diaper. he eventually did get adopted by a nice family,thankfully. anyway, it sounds to me like someone needs to be contacted about this, like DCF or something. you are a child yourself and dont need to take care of someone elses baby. if the mom doesnt want her at all she needs to give her up to someone who does and can take care of her. there a a ton of people who desperately want babies and cant have them, and im sure she would get a good home. there are even open adoptions where she can still have limited contact with the baby if thats all she wants anyway. also, she may need therapy to deal with the whole rape/pregnancy/baby situation. if she gets helps she may even decide that she does want the baby after all. its not your responsibility to take care of this baby and she needs to know that. perhaps you and your mom can have a sit down with her to discuss the options. she really should decide before the baby gets older and can remember all this. thats the worst thing, having a child who knows she wasnt wanted and loved. i hope you can talk some sense into her, and good luck.

Will she put him up for adoption? I am a birthmother, so I've been there. I gave up a baby 16 years ago. You are doing a wonderful thing by being caregiver to this baby when no one else will, not even his real mommy. I almost trust he gets better care with you than with his mother. if she has no emotional attachement, I imagine he's left to cry a lot when he's with her. That poor little one.. he just needs someone to love him and give him the attention he needs. is there any way you can convince her to let a loving couple adopt him? what state are you in?

We have all tried to convince her to give him up! she says that when the baby is older and can walk and talk she will love him and that she just has no patience for BABIES. like i said, the woman is CRAZY.

She has never had him at night except like 5 times on the weekend. And once during one of those times she called me and begged me to pick him up. I had to drive there at midnight to find the baby screaming his tiny face off while his mother cried harder than him in the corner. I took him home and had him for 3 days straight before she picked him up and took him for 6 hours then dropped him with me again.

So I know for a fact she lets him cry more than he should, and she doesnt know how to change his diapers, he always gets diaper rash because she cant clean him! She gives me money to buy his baby clothes, formula, bottles, and diapers. kids at school think i had a baby and hid pregnancy really good. people at the store look at me sympathetically.

There is really no way for me to get out of this and if I do, its putting the baby in a sad environment. His mother doesnt abuse him of course, she is just useless. Im a better mom to him than her and she tells me that every day.

But I need help with something really badly. He is Collic really bad and the doctore gave us drops to put in his formula but its not helping at all! is there anything else that can be done? he got like this because his stupid mom never took the air out of his bottles and never burped him during his first weeks because she didnt know you were supposed to and even to this day she forgets.

pretty sure she has post partum depression as well as ptsd its not totaly her fault she is nuts. but she needs therapy meds and by the sounds of it a nice vacation in the hospital. i dont say this to be mean or judgmental iive been thru rape and post partum neither is easy to get over actually the ppd is worse. call 911 next time you find her balled up in the corner like that. she needs medical help.

the colic hmm... did you try switching formulas? sometimes babies cant handle some brands n do fine on others. some are even allergic to the protiens like my baby is. and is on a hypo allergenic formula.

sorry im spamming the thread but i just reread it and have another thing to say. when i first had hayls i was so bad i had to remind myself to rock her and talk to her took me till recently to sing to her and she is 9 months old. i knew i loved her but i couldnt feel it i was numb to everything and angery tearful i felt isolated, and i wanted to leave her with her dad and take off.

to this day i remember early on when id find myself crying at a drop of a hat or siglently going thru the motions i want to break down at the thought.

my hear goes out to you! you are doing such a wonderful thing for this baby, and who cares what other people say!
adoption would be great, but you also don't want him to be stuck in a foster home or group home.
I can't imagine having a date rape baby...she must feel so horrible. she sounds like that kind that might get abusive or frustrated and shake him or something.
Please, please keep on doing what you are doing.
Ovol seemed to help with gassiness for my son. Also, warm baths where he would lay on his belly (make usre his head is supported even if he can on his own). You can also lay him over your arm, belly down..that'll help get the gas out.
You are doing the right thing!

I am so sorry you and the little guy are going through this. My daughter had bad gas issues with her bottles until we bought a new bottle. It is made by playtex and it is slightly curved with an air vent on the bottom.. since then, no more screaming in the middle of the night.. I swear by this bottle. I usually heat up her milk in a glass bottle and pout it into this bottle as it is plastic. Good luck hun and hope all turns out well in the end!!

i am very sorry to hear that i kinda went through the same thing as this poor little babys mother is going throw i wanted my child but then didnt so i think it was due to post partum and stuff but im good with her now so yeah

I have to agree with trying a different formula. Also, burping several times during the feeding may help. I don't even know you but am so proud of the way you are handling this baby. It's a very mature and selfless thing to do. Unfortunately, it is not your responsibility. It does sound like the birthmother needs medical help. And even if she isn't abusing him, neglect is still regarded as extremely harmful by state agency's as it should be. Contacting them may be the hardest thing you'll ver do, but it may be the best thing you could do for him. Keep in touch with this group, we can help you through a lot. Also, let us know how you're doing with the colic!