Preteen is a person between nine and twelve (but this age could sometimes extend up to the age of 15) before that person becomes a teenager. It is a relatively ...
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How to get my tween to sleep in her bed all night?
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Ok, I will start with a little background before I get into my issue. I have three kids in a 3 bedroom house. Oldest is 9, nearly 10, then the younger two, are 7 and 4 and currently share a room. Up until 2 years ago, we’ve always had a 2 bedroom place to live. This meant all 3 girls were sharing a room. Currently, when we moved into this house 2 years ago, my oldest ended up with a room by herself. (Decision on room-mates was made by my husband)
My oldest has never been an excellent sleeper and is more of a night owl. However; she had gotten better, now worse. When we moved in this house, she has had her room since Day 1 and all was ok in the beginning, however; it has gotten gradually worse and worse. It was a day here and there, but over the last few months, this has become daily. So, my daughter will go to sleep in her room most of the time. However; she never wakes up there. For a long time, I would hear her open the door and sneak in with me in which I would ask if she had a bad dream, etc. and then walk her back to her room. Well, she is so quiet now, I don’t here her because she moves in the middle of the night, just see her there in the morning. When, I don’t wake up to find her in my bed, I find her in with her little sister (the 4 year old). I know she’s afraid of the dark, so she has a lamp for a night light and I leave the hall light on all night in the hallway. (Yes, tried turning off to see if the light was waking her). We’ve tried with radio and without to see if she needs background noise or if there is too much. We’ve talked about it and she can’t tell me what wakes her up, why she finds somewhere else to sleep. So, I need to nip this. Not only can I tell she’s not getting enough sleep, but I don’t want her little sister to get used to someone in her bed (which annoys her right now when she wakes up to find her sister sharing with her) and I need my bed back. My thoughts of things to change, put her mattress on the floor awhile as at this point she will only sleep on the futon (spider in her room a few weeks back, separate fear) (it’s a bunk/futon combo right now), make her sleep in her bed and have me sleep somewhere in her room for a couple of days to see if I might be able to hear her and get her back to her bed. Otherwise, I don’t know, I don’t think its sleep walking, but am at a loss. Sorry for the long post. Thoughts??? Posted on 05/15/08, 03:05 pm |
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Read 1-2-3 Magic. It's a book on disciplining your children. It also talks about what to do in your situation. I have learned alot from the book and have put in place some of what I read. So far, so good. 
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Thanks, I ordered it as I've heard it referred to so much on this site.
I received it yesterday, so can't wait to read it.
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She is obviously missing sleeping with her sisters.
Have you talked to her about how she feels?
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Maybe they all need to share a room for awhile. When I was young I shared a room with my brother and sister and LOVED it. Then my parents decided maybe I should have my own room since I was the oldest. I was lonley at night and felt left out since mom and dad shared a room and so did bro & sis. It was comforting to hear someone else breathing if I woke up in the middle of the night and know I wasn't alone.
If that isn't an option, maybe some white noise in the room so every creak and groan from the house, the wind, etc doesn't seem so loud and scary.
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Sounds like separation anxiety? I have the same problem with my son, who is 10. I can get him to sleep in his own bed but he will always come to my bed.
I read a book called The Science of Parenting. It talks about how physical contact - hugging, being close, etc. helps the neural pathways develop. This helped alleviate any fears I had about sleeping with my child being wrong.
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I agree with the seperation anxiety. So.. in this book, that discusses this. So, how do you know when it's been too long?
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Hmmm. Do you mean like how do you know if she's been sleeping with you for too long?
I once asked some older women this question. They told me to relax. They said one day, your son will be all grown up and you will miss this age. I dunno. Everyone tells me he's too old to sleep with me. I use my own judgement. It's all about what you believe. I think that once he hits puberty and gets interested in girls, he's going to want to be far away from me. Girls might be different though. I'm really not sure on this one. Is her sleeping with you causing problems in your relationship or with the other kids? I try sometimes to encourage my son. I tell him he's showing signs of maturity, that maybe he'll feel comfortable sleeping by himself soon. It takes time. It must be hard with three kids.
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SOUNDS 2 ME LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING BOTHERING HER, CHILDREN TEND 2 ACT THIS WAY...WHEN THEY SUFFER TRAUMA, TALK 2 HER...ASK HER IF THERES SOMETHING IMPORTANT SHE NEEDS 2 TALK ABOUT N ASK HER SEVERAL TIMES AT DIFFERENT TIMES. JUST AN IDEA .
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