Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

2 books:

1,2,3 magic by dr. phelan

and

screamfree parenting by runkel

they really say it all.

and trust me, from someone who tried everything else first, 1,2,3 magic works (if applied as described).

There is hope.

Now for my husbands favorite quote:

Never wrestle with a pig, you just get all dirty, and the pig kinda likes it.


When we take authority in our childrens lives, there is no battle. Sure, on there end there might be an attempt to battle, but when we are in authority, we don't engage. When they see that we aren't going to fall into that pattern any more, they do eventually submit after seeing that its really futile.

I have a very strong willed and sometimes downright defiant 6.5 yo girl. Frankly, she is just like her parents, lol, and we would often butt heads. I won't say we never do anymore, its certainly a process and there is a learning curve... but its amazing to see how they can turn around when they realize that we are really learning to control the dynamic by controlling ourselves first and then exercising our authority.

Its not an instant quick fix pill... its definately a process, and you have to surrender to the uncomfortable fact that if you want things to change, you have to start in the mirror. But it works. Profoundly.

should read: on their end, not there end.

ugh.

I can relate to this SO much. My 7 year old daughter acts the exact same way. Back talking, ignoring me, rudeness...all of the above! I really wish I had some answers but I'm seeking some of the same myself. I thought maybe it was because of her new baby brother, but it continues even 9 months after the fact.

A lot of people keep telling me it's only a phase. I hope to God it is! Children at this age like to see what buttons they can push and how far..that much I have discovered.

Here is a link that a good friend of mine recommended to me ( http://drjoecarver.com/clients/493... ). It's been helpful so far, maybe it can help you too. I wish you luck with your son!

Happy to see this as my 7 year old is perfect at school, but yet, she talks back to me, ignores what I say, lies to me, doesn't listen and catch her in this when I ask her to repeat what I said, feel like she's becoming a bully but it's because she seems focused as she can also be very caring and considerate.

We're working on it, but it's tought. I didn't have to deal with this with my oldest daughter, or maybe that is repressed because it's ever so much fun LOL....

I don't have any answers, but plan on buying that book.

The weather I can tell you certaintly helps though, she has been much better since she's been outside more, but hasn't stopped completely.

Good Luck.

I am so glad i found this post!!!
There was me thinking it's only my 7yr old boy that is doing this.
Not a day goes by without us shouting at each other, i've been placing all the blame on myself because i have bipolar & i'm a single mom.
I have ordered those books. thank you.

I go thru similar things from time to time.
it is not easy.

here's my experience: I choose which behavior is the very worst since I can't battle them all at once. for me, it's disrespect. so, I only focus on that battle.

I sort of have attack plans for the severity of his bad choice. if it's really bad, I take the thing that matters most, video games, and take it away for __ day(s). I don't argue, I don't get wishy/washy, I take it away and explain why.

I also tell him that he has to be a nice part of our family. we all want to be happy and it's hard to be that when one person is disrespectful.

we never had a problem with disprespect until he went to public school.

anyway, I also give him an outlet for his frustration. I tell him he can go to his room and whack his pillow or he can try deep breaths and blow the anger out or go out in the backyard and stop around, but he can't be nasty to me.

if he doesn't choose wisely, I place him firmly and quietly on the back porch for some thinking time. or just keep adding the days on that he can't have his video game.

so far it's working pretty well.

hope things get better for you soon.

I posted this in another group but looks like it could apply here also.

My 8 yr old girl used to be the same way. Everytime I asked her to do something, get in the shower, get ready for bed, etc... she would grunt and groan. Finally I had enough, not only was it annoying but also ridiculous for an 8 yr old to be acting like she was still a toddler. She gets rewarded with money when helping around the house and so on, quarters and dimes and what not. SO I decided that if she was going to be rewarded with money then money will be taken away if she throws these fits. We decided that it would cost her a nickel if I told her to do something and she said "no" and then a dime if she grunted or groaned. And this was the rule for all the kids not just her. To our surprise it actually worked. We keep a jar in the living room that this money goes into.

1 2 3 magic did work great when mine where 7 and 8 but i still have days when my 13 year old acts like this i stil use time outs in the room and time out starts when she is quiet, not when she goes in there, she could be in there an hour or all day only she controls her behaviour when she is in there. I don't bargain with mine at all.

Thank you all, it is certainly good to know that I am not the only mother on this earth with a child who refuses point blank to take any notice. I do have a question ... what is this 1 2 3 people are talking about. I have never heard of it, maybe that is simply because I am from the UK!!!

i have twin 6year olds and i find that my daughter who is the more head strong tends to face the corner more and spend more time in her room. yet i have also found tha† her being a monster also has to do with her wanting more attention from me. so i find that when i spend a little extra time talking or playing with her she tends to calm down, ie: not screaming as much or throwing tempertantrums as much.