Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

everything effects my kids, they are very sensitive and introspective kids for their ages, but when my husband and i fight, i can see a sadness in there eyes, they worry about death alot because they see my dad being so old and sick, i just try to really be a solid rock for them, all the while exp. that people do argue and still love each other, 1 thing i will not tolerate is brattiness and disrespect. we just had a talk about this tongith, i have a 9 year old boy 6 year old girl and 2 year old twins, i really drill into their heads that i am here 24/7 that i love and respect them and thats all i ask in return, .... kids are sponges, or hahaha aircleanrs, they absorbe everything life throws at them.... goodluck..

My kids even seem to be able to read my mind. Everything is transparent to them. They don't get all the details, they don't understand it all, but the stress and the emotion are really clear to them. It makes me really take a step back and ask whether it is worth getting worked up about.It's strange sometimes too, sometimes I hear them saying something that I thought, but had not even said out loud. It's eerie. I just feel like it makes me try to be a better person, inside and out, because I cannot hide.

my daughter has been through a lot in the past few years. my husband and i got divorced and all the court we had to go thru...shes very sensitive. she throws tantrums, screams at me as well. and i ask her the same things too about what she is thinking about so i can try to teach her other ways to express her anger or sadness, but it doesnt seem to work. a friend of mine suggested a child therapist to help her talk out her feelings but id rather wait and see if it runs its course before i take that kind of action.

i think that more important than figuring them out is figuring out what message you are sending them, and making whatever changes are necessary to become the model you want to be for them. Its easy to tell kids not to fight, and then to procede to fight with your spouse... but we all know the adage, children will do what you DO, not what you SAY... and furthermore, they will think us hypocrites if we are telling them to do one thing while we do another. If you want your children to learn good stress management, no amount of TEACHING them about it is going to be effective if you don't first put that lesson into play in your own life. The same goes with conflict resolution.

Its unrealistic to expect that our children should be sheltered from stress. In fact, that would be unhealthy, because it would rob them of the opportunity to learn how to manage it. We can't keep our children from witnessing our stresses, but we can learn to manage our stress in a way which is observable to them, so that as we grow in the skill, they will learn too. Its a process, and we have to be patient and give ourselves and them some grace, but the key to changing the dynamic in a family is ALWAYS to change whats in the mirror... thats the only change a person can truly make... the rest is a ripple effect at best.

And of course, when behavior is needing correction, give it. Don't do it by raising your voice, or you just join in the cacophony that you are trying to quell. Check out the book "scream free parenting" by runkel (even if you aren't a screamer, its not about whether you raise your voice)... and 1,2,3 magic by dr. phelan for a great technique for behavior modification.

I'd say good luck, but with those resources, you don't need luck.

everything effects kids and you don't usually realize it until one day they say something that breaks your heart. one day my daughter said to me, why does daddy not like you anymore, or something to that effect.

i have tried to keep her well in the knowledge that no matter what she is loved and shouldn't worry. my marriage is intact but at times unpleasant. i think it is hard for kids to express their feelings and just learn it over time. it can be a game of 20 questions to try to get anything out of them. it takes a lot of understanding and patience.

I think it does for sure. I know when hubby and I moved to a new state to caregive for 2 difficult people, our voices were always stressed, not arguing, just stressed as we didn't know what to tackle first.
my son was acting out a lot more and I finally put it all together and we made some changes.

the good news is that I think kids are way more resilient about stress than we are!

a couple of week of me and hubby being much more calm and my son was back to normal.

I think the fact that you are trying to figure it all out shows that you are in touch with your kids and doing a good job. = )

I want to add that we want our kids to talk out their feelings with us, so it is important to talk out our feelings with them. Sometimes my kids notice I am short or irritable, and if I don't give some kind of explanation, they will come up with their own. It's great when they ask or give some hint, that way I can explain I am tired, or something happened earlier that stressed me out, not them, not something very important, just something that annoyed me and I haven't gotten rid of that feeling yet so I'm sorry it's coming out on them, that sort of thing. I try to talk out my feelings with them so they have a model for that. It isn't easy for me, and I've read a million self-help books. I imagine it can't be easy for them.

Kids definitely act out more when their worlds are "just not right". I think even more so with siblings because they react and bounce off each other's actions, reactions and emotions.

My daughter and I went through a divorce this past year and the poor little think has been like an onion. Each stage has revealed another behavior or emotion that she just can't articulate.

Her daddy left us, but is still in the picture. She really went through a rough time with the abandonment.

Just recently we were in the car on the way home and I was discussing with her that she can't get red cards at school and I thought we were having a really good conversation about it.

When we got home, I parked the car and she started to wail. I got out, went to her side and when I opened the door to get her out, she cried at me... "if you leave me, I won't have a mommy!!".

Well, where the heck did THAT come from. We weren't even talking about anything but trying to work really hard at school and to be a good girl so we can have a prize at the end of the week!

Well, that caught me off. Sometimes they will be feeling the stress, etc. inside, but not know how to articulate their true feelings. In the case of your kids, it may be coming out in the fighting or arguing amongst themselves...?

thanks everyone, it is really hard for us all right now, it seems that we are stressed and it causes the kids stress and to act out which causes us more stress and on and on it goes and i do not know how to end the vicious cycle that has begun, i love them and wonder if i should seek counciling for them and myself as well

thanks everyone, it is really hard for us all right now, it seems that we are stressed and it causes the kids stress and to act out which causes us more stress and on and on it goes and i do not know how to end the vicious cycle that has begun, i love them and wonder if i should seek counciling for them and myself as well