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How to get a 4 year old to sleep?!?!?!
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Hello:
I am new to this group and look forward to everyone’s input. I am 38 years old, my wife is 40 and we have a 4-year-old girl named Rebecca. The problem we are having is that Rebecca does not want to sleep by herself. Her bedroom is right next to ours. She has a night-light and a small television set with a built in dvd player so she can watch her cartoon dvd’s when she is good. But like I said, for some reason she doesn’t want to sleep without her “mommy”. This of course is now causing problems between my wife and I because my wife sleeps in Rebecca’s bedroom more than our bedroom. We have tried putting her into her bed and reading her a book until she falls asleep, but as soon as she wakes up whether it’s 30 minutes later or 3 hours later, she is waking my wife up asking her to go and sleep with her in her bed. We have tried wearing her out by going for walks, keeping her up a little later and reading to her all with no luck. She states that there is a big spider in her room. Her room is small. I have gone through the closet with her, looked under her bed to show there is nothing to be afraid of but nothing changes. We have tried letting her fall asleep in our bed and then moving her into her bedroom. Again the same issue. If she wakes up 5 minutes or 2 hours later, it’s back to getting mommy into her bed. We have tried the “tough love” approach and just let her cry, jump up and down, scream etc, thinking she will tire herself out but that didn’t work either. There are only so many hours you can listen to a 4-year-old cry and scream until you give them what they want, especially at two in the morning. This has been going on now for over 2 months. We have tried every recommendation from every doctor, other parents, the Internet and now I am turning to all of you. Please, someone help us. I have kept track and since this started, I have slept alone 34 nights (these are the nights when my wife falls asleep while reading to my daughter with the intention of getting her to sleep). I have slept alone for half of the night for 33 nights (these are the nights when my daughter falls asleep in her bed around 7:00pm or so but then comes to get my wife at one or two in the morning. So all in all, my wife and I have not slept alone together for 67 nights as of today. Any suggestions? Thanks, Paul Posted on 05/05/08, 01:05 pm |
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wow... this is a tough one, its odd that this just started... how were her sleeping habits before this? I know your not gonna like my advice, but your wife is going to have to be firm and stand her ground, also.. look into what is causing her to wake up in the middle of the night? she should be sleeping through... her diet? does she nap? any new changes at all that could cause her to wake up? 
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The only thing i can tell you is she's only small once. My hubby and i have 4 kids and at some time or another they all wind up in bed with us. I just tell myself, the day is coming all too soon where they won't need me as much anymore and to cherish every second they are small. :o)
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If you really want this to end, you will have to pull a few all nighters of your daughter crying all or most of the night. I know it is hard, trust me I know, but if you want this to stop, and to stop quickly, that is what you will have to do. I put a CD player in my son's room, with soothing music on, he had his blanky, his stuffed animal, his nightlight and his music on. It took a few nights of him crying, but he did stop, and is now sleeping on his own in his own bed. We also have a "monster box" Now this is just a regular box that my son has decorated and it is for catching the monster in the closet or under the bed and taking in outside where we let it go, but it can't get back inside once it has been brought outside. Could try that.
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I agree with Momwith4. They are only small once. Before you know it they won't want you to even hug them. Enjoy the time you have with your wife (the few hours she sleeps in her own bed) and then just plan on moving. My husband did it for the last four months.
My son had been sleeping with me for the past 4 months or so. Then two nights ago he decided he was a "big boy" and is going to sleep in his own bed. He has slept in his own bed the last two nights. So you never know... Good luck to you! Lora
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Good topic. Both my children have slept in bed with me from birth, I also tried everything to get them into their own room without much success. William my eldest only started sleeping in his own bed when he was 6 and even every now and then he wants to sleep in my bed. Kieran is 2½ years old and also sleeps in my bed. I agree that they are only small once and cheerish every moment. Yes I know it is a strain but you know there will come a time when your baby girl wants to be a grown up girl and sleep in her own room. Hugs.
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I don't have any tried and true methods, but have been there. I used to do what your wife did, fall asleep while reading to my kids to get them to fall asleep. I then made it more uncomfortable but still read to them. Changed it up a bit if you will. Currently my children all sleep in their beds. But despite what some say here, I feel in some ways I may be responsible for my oldest daughters poor sleeping habits as she has never been a good sleeper. Even now at 9 nearly 10, I have been trying different things. She will ask constantly for a sleep over in her sisters room, she will ask me repeatabily when I'm going to bed and end up waking up either with her in bed with me or with one of her sisters.
One thing, don't punish your wife and let this cause problems, in her heart her child comes first and needs to meet her needs. She is not doing it to be mean, or saying she doesn't care about you. So, with all of this, not sure if it would work, but something I wish my H would have participated in. Maybe join you in with the bedtime ritual. Make story time a group deal, maybe trade off so you put her to bed too. Maybe getting her a special stuffed friend that is her protector would help and look around her room when it's dark for any shadows her night lite is giving off and maybe you just need a lamp in her room. I know this helped my oldest for awhile, was a brighter light than the standard night lite. Additionally, maybe she would sleep better if the door is open rather than closed. Good Luck and hope you get some sleep soon!
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I used to wonder the same thing. My daughter is almost 4 and we had her sleeping all night in her bed. Now, she comes in our room early in the morning and falls asleep in our bed. Many times I have no idea she's there. She just moves right in the middle. Then, there are those time she needs to physically announce her presence by kicking, swinging her arms around or moving right up under us. If she does it too much, I'll just get up and leave. I make sure she has a minimum of two books a night. They're all short books and she loves them. She falls asleep shortly after we're done. One morning, I woke up and she wasn't in our bed and I had to check on her. She was still asleep in her bed. That doesn't happen too often. So, I just let her sleep in our bed. Saves me the headache of all the screaming and so on. Plus, I understand they grow out of that cuddly stage really fast. So, I agree you should enjoy it while it lasts. I am. I'm sure that's not what you were looking for... LOL
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I have a four year old daughter that doesn't like to sleep alone too. I truelly believe this is a stage they go through and eventually they'll grow out of it. Just a suggestion, our daughter we make start sleeping in her room and if she wakes up in the middle of the night and wants someone to sleep with, we put a toddler mattress on the bed next to our floor in our bedroom. So, when she wakes up scared instead of your wife going to sleep with her. Your daughter can come in and sleep on the mattress next to her Mom. Then you don't lose your wife and your daughter gets help too. Stick with it!! I know it's hard, because we are dealing with it too. But this has really helped us out too.
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My husband EASILY could have written this message. It is the same exact issue in our home. I have resigned myself to the fact that it wont be long before she is pulling away from us, and won't want to be so close. We reward her on the nights that I bring her back to her bed and she stays (alone). When she is insistant, I stay with her. Mu husband doesnt like it, but, we make sure we have "our time" once the girls are asleep- that way he is not so resentful. It is definetly a hard thing, but a temporary thing. All of these stages we face are temporary- hang in there. I hope you can get through it without too much upset!
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I have a 5 year old son that usually winds up in my bed. It hasn't always been that way...he slept in a crib in his own room from the day he was born. Then when his daddy and I split up when he was 3, it became a security issue for him...he slept with me most nights. THen I worked really hard to get him to stay in his own bed...the screaming crying fits with me holding his door shut while i cried hoping that he would just get it out of his system. After a few nights of that, it worked. He slept in his own bed.
Maybe she is falling asleep too early and that is why she is waking up during the night. Does she take naps? Maybe if she took a short nap around 1 or 2, she could stay up till 8:30 or 9 and then she might stay asleep into the night after your wife reads her story. I also learned not to exceed a specific book and song limit every night or else it could go on forever.
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