Adolescence is the period of psychological and social transition between childhood and adulthood (gender-specific, manhood, or womanhood). Someone in Adolescenc...
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Am I doing the right thing?
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Daughter is 12. We've been pretty lax and letting her speak her mind and in getting her own way since she had a bout of larynga spasm - vocal chord probs. non life threatening and my aneurysm. We felt sorry for her I guess . Now my husband is getting chest pains and my stress level and blood pressure are soaring - not a good thing w/a clip. I want to set ground rules w/her. My husband is the easy going one so I want to be the one to handle her. I want to set down rules like cleaning room, doing her own laundry, paying attention and walking her dog, being responsible for helping do at least 2 chores around the house once a week, and being responsible for her own expensive items like i pod. The consecuences would be curtailing time spent with friends, no sleepovers, pulling bedtime back, loss of privelages - along those lines. Most of all since she has an answer and opinion to EVERY sentence that comes out of anyones mouth that she is to be seen and not heard for a week or two. not that she can't talk but she needs to stop w/the constant i know better than you cr.. We live in a very rural area and no one has looked at us funny yet but the day is fast approaching. Any ideas? Something has to give BEFORE my wonderful husband has a heart attack and I go down w/another burst or leaking anny and then she'll have no one. Yes i plan to tell her that part. She's been great up till a month ago about being helpful and yes we talked about her resenting my recup time but..... I look forward to any and all advice - THANK YOU ALL
Claudia Posted on 05/14/08, 08:05 am |
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I think it's a good idea. It'll be hard because teaching an old dog new tricks is always hard. Is your husband her bio. father? If so you definately will need his support to help you with this. Just don't let the pendulum swing too far on the strict side either. Allow her some mistakes and as far as her having an opinion on everything you need not to teach her to shut up, but more appropriate ways of speaking her feelings and thoughts on those subjects. It's not bad to have opinions, it's usually the way you get your opinions across that might not be so wanted. :)
Good luck. 
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Oh my! Unfortunately you've picked THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME to set boundaries and rules. Even if you and your husband didn't have health problems, even if your lives were "perfect", she still would be giving you the "teenager attitude". I think your consequences are well thought out and appropriate and I definately think you're on the right track. Something I'm learning (the hard way) is that they are going to have their attitude, and it's actually healthy for them, because now is the time when they are finding their own identity which is crucial at this age for them to become functioning adults instead of living with us forever! It's unfortunately going to be harder on you than on other parents of teens, but try to remember that you cannot control the "attitude", but you can control how it shows itself. Of course she has to be respectful, but the rolling of the eyes and the look on her face are not stopping. And, really, it's her right as a human to do those things. You don't want to be the parent that screws her up by denying her her right to her feelings! :) EVERY teen I know is resentful of their parents for one reason or other, if it wasn't your health it would be something else, so don't feel guilty.
Good luck!
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Very good and helpful advice both of you and many thanks. I explained things to her and also added a point score to each item that if done and added up to say 500pts would get her a reward like her I-Pod if it can be found returned to her for use. She seemed a bit shook up realizing how bad the consequences could be to our family in what she was doing. She added when asked for the truth that she didn't like to come home because she knew she had to help me pick things up and knows I don't ask for much but resents having to help anyway. Then she apologized but I told her I accepted the fact she resents the heck outta me and I was sorry that while she was sick I never resented and did EVERYTHING for her that she would be this mean spirited about helping me in return. She's still thinking about her words. Not to be mean but I hope she thinks long and very hard and feels very poor about her attitude. Thanks all
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