Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

I"m really tired it's after midnight, so I'll keep this really short, but I've said it before. When you have older step children it is not your place to discipline. It is your place to back the mother up, but not do the actual disciplining. To do so will cause a huge rift. When they are younger it's a little different, but when they are older you really can only enforce what mother has said. There are many website you can search that will give you great guidelines to follow and I'd post them but like I said really tired. I may come back to this post tomorrow. If you are having to spend more time with the kids then mom then it will require alot of family time so that mom does the discipline. That does not mean that mom has the say in what goes on and you have none. Those are family decisions, but the actual discipline needs/should be done by mom. The biological parent. Also the fact that you are so young is something else to think about. Just throwing that out there. Not to take away from you, but her 13 year old would already be thinking you're not my dad even if you werer 40 but now she's not only thinking that but she's thinking who the heck are you other then some kid. Gotta play it carefully. I just think your role in the actual discipline should take a seat in the very back of the bus and let mom do it. Good luck.

I completely agree with jody, don't be the disciplinarian, not your job. You didn't say if their dad is in the picture or not. That's important information because a step parent has a very fine line that you shouldn't cross if he is.

Thanks for your guys info! that really helps. No the biological father is not in the picture. All 3 kids have never met there father or dont remember him. I really do agree with you jodi i do. All 3 kids have been threw hell with my wifes ex. Mainly the middle boy because he was the main target of the abuse other than my wife. So it was really hard for him to trust me. I love all 3 of these kids and my wife more then anything. And i want to be the dad they never had but i want to be able to deal with them in the proper way so they can look back and say my dad was there for me and not be one of those step dads were the kids look back an think i was a mean dad. Also we just found out that the 13 yr old was sexual malested 2 yrs ago. By a my wifes step father. We were completely unaware of that so its going to take some major councling annd time for her to be able to trust any man. but i appreciate your advice if you have any jmor for me let me know thanks everryon e

How can you be a dad when your only old enough to be a big brother?
Good luck KID.

I say be patient, my husband is in a simalair situation, remember show respect to get respect, act do not react

I admire your dedication in trying to take on the role of parenting. How long have you two been married? Teens are a breed of their own- especially girls! I have two, 14 and 19, however I also work as a special education therapist in a psychiatric hospital for children and adolescents so I see the extremes. Is your step daughter getting any professional help to deal with the abuse? Even finding a therapist will take some time. While your intentions are wonderful, trust in relationships is something that must be earned and actions speak louder than words...
T (this) I (I) M (must) E (earn).
Good luck, xoxoLyn