Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group

Does she go to a daycare or sitter at all? She may feel comfortable in public because it isn't anywhere she thinks you're going to leave her. If it's something a little more personal like a relatives home, etc. she may think you'll be leaving her there at one point. Constant reassurance that you'll be there the whole time is all I can suggest. Maybe give her something that she knows you wouldn't want to leave without, of course not anything like your car keys, and tell her that as long as she has it you aren't going anywhere. It can be anything you can stick in her pocket. Usually if I do this with my daughter after a while she forgets its there so I don't worry it will get lost. It isn't ever anything of value though so even if it does it's not a big deal. Just sharing something like that with her may give her the extra assurance she needs. Good luck!

She spends every Wednesday at a day care center, and three other days a week she goes to a babysitter for 2-3 hours. She does well at the babysitter, and is now just beginning to warm up to the daycare center. Its mostly at b-day parties and play date type of situations, she will cling to mom or dad for at least 20 minutes before she cautiously starts to come out of her shell so to speak. Usually after the party is over (or BBQ or whatever) and we load up in the car, she is crying about wanting to stay longer, even though she spent a good portion of the time clinging to mom or dad. A super shy girl I guess? Just curious if anyone else out there has a shy one like mine.

Kids are funny about things. Both of my kids are very clingy when they are in a situation where there is a lot of people. My daughter is 2 1/2 and can carry on a conversation with any adult, but if you put her in a crowd of people, you wouldnt think she could jibber out "Dada." This sounds silly, but we take sunglasses everywhere. We put them on at birthday parties and she will gladly stand there and let other kids come up to her and talk to her, and a few minutes later, she will hand me the sunglasses and be off playing. If we forget the sunglasses, she is on my hip the entire time. My son is more uncomfortable around adults, so we just take him to a kid infested area and stand close by and he will go play. I think that more than anything it is figuring out your child's insecurities in a social situation and address those tactfully.

I was like that when I was a kid. I was scared of anything that had to do with people, other than my own parents and family! I would cry and hide! I don't know what to tell you. I've had issues like that all the time...even until now. Maybe you are kind of shy? I think I learned mine from my mom. Thank goodness my daughter pays more attention to her daddy!

Wow. You just described my almost 3-year-old little boy to a tee. He's very open and talkative at home and at restaurants and such. But at birthday parties and family gatherings, he clams up. He doesn't cling, but he is completely unsociable. He always goes off on his own to play. He has no interest in playing with a large group of kids, only one or two at a time. I'm glad my kid isn't the only one like this. I don't think it's anything we should worry about. They just don't like crowds. My son gets that from me I know. I hate crowds too. I have a hard time socializing with large groups. I do better in groups of 5 or less. I think part of why my son and I are like this is because we are both perfectionists and we both analyze everything....maybe it's just that there is too much to take in and think about in large groups.

This could be because family members tend to gather around a child and talk about how cute they are trying to get them to give hugs, kisses, and put on a show. Maybe she doesn't like all that concentrated attention. Its pretty overwhelming to a little person. I suspect she doesn't do that in public with strangers because she is responding on her own terms or only with one or two people at a time, not a crowd. Try asking your family not to bombard her at the door and give her some time to warm up before asking her to be passed around, give out hugs and kisses, etc. Hugs, Fern