Parenting Newborns & Infants (0-1) Support Group

Hun, I'm really sorry that you are going through that. I do commend you for trying to be reasonable rather than take as much as possible. My fiance and I were able to work through our hump, but we did reach a point during the pregnancy where were were discussing arrangements because we didn't think it was going to work. So I do know exactly how you feel as I wanted to breastfeed too and was worried about the same things. However James didn't live hours away. All the information I have obtained leads to the first 6 weeks being crucial in establishing breastfeeding. Is there any way that he would be able/willing to work around day visits for the first 6 weeks so that you can have the breastfeeding well established and then introduce a bottle and send breastmilk with him for weekend visits after that? I think that would be the most ideal situation, but I know it may or may not work with his schedule. Again sorry you are going through this and if you need to talk send me a message. Best wishes to you.

Thankyou for your reply. For the 1st two weeks both me and the baby will need to stay here anyway because of home visits from midwife. After that We have arranged for me to stay at his house with the baby for about 4/6 weeks, so luckily that first 6 week period is covered. I'm just worried that it's still too early for an 8 week old to be away from me. But I might be wrong, I have no idea what it will be like having a baby! I am trying to be fair, I like to think I am a reasonable person and want to do what's best for my son. Thanks again for your help, your baby is lovely btw :)

I still have trouble with my 9 year old going to his dad's on the weekend.

I remember there are reduced visits for babies and newborns. I read that it was only so many hours at a time and never an overnight for the first year. (that is in the US in my state)

I would think the baby would have a rough time with it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

First off any overnight visit will potentially be detrimentla to your breastfeeding relationship. I would be more than willing (myself) to allow visitation but during the first year I do not think I would allow the baby to go for long periods, overnight would be totally out of the question. I am a more attached mother maybe. Personally I would think that if he wanted to have a role in his childs life he would make sacrifices to move closer so that he could be an active role. Someone who lives that far away will be a stranger to your child initally, do you really want to send your child away to a "stranger"

if you are wanting to breastfeed, the whole weekend would be out of the question..at least until baby is weaned.

i would arrange shorter day visits as baby is going to need you more. also, baby isn't going to know dad as well so they might make strange.
if dad really wants to be there, he's going to have to think about moving closer! this sounds a little drastic, but with a baby, you can't be going from home to home. the child needs stability!
i would say after the age of 2, overnight visits would be ok. i dont think they are needed before that. but that is just my personal opinion.

Well your ex does not seem like such a nice guy, breaking up with you while u r pregnant and then insisting on taking the baby away on the weekends! I think having your newborn baby away on the weekends would be hard on you emotionally. At least with breastfeeding you can pump while he's away, but what about the anxiety for both you and your baby? Tell your ex that there is plenty of time for him to bond with the child in upcoming years, but to drag the baby all over the place for the sake of being fair to an absent father is just unreasonable. Also remind him that a newborn will be waking him up every 1-2 hours, does he really want that work all to himself or is he fighting just for the sake of it? I think day visits while your baby is very young is more than generous of you. Once your ex sees how much work a newborn baby is, who knows, maybe he will be happy with day visits after all?

I wish you the very best in the upcoming months. Try not to stress yourself out for now, remember you are the mother and take comfort in remembering the near future, when you will have an adorable little baby to love! Best of luck!! *Hugs*

You can TOTALLY breastfeed if your son stays over the weekend with his father. You need to invest in a good pump, I bought the medulla pump in style pump. It cost 200$(and that was a deal!) but the 200$ is worth it. You'll need to get a large backup supply of milk. It took me about 8 weeks to gather about 40 bags that were 5 oz full. And on the weekends, you just need to pump every 2 to 3 hours to keep up the supply and drink lots of water. You can give the father the milk when you drop the baby off too.It is going to take more work since he lives far away, so its all what you are willing to do.

Hi I am sorry for your position. keep a good attitude and all will work out in time. I allowed my x husbant to visit every other weekend in my home. I did not allow my child to go on visits untill she was 3-4
years. At this time she knew who her Daddy was and I trusted the situation.Your baby needs a constant safe place right now she is bonding with you as her primary caretaker. Don't be afraid to speak up . Your child should take priority .just now,If he truly loves the baby he should want what is best for the baby not what is best for him. every other weekend he can drive down to see the baby. This worked good for me love maura

you will be able to bond with your child for the rest of his life. pump your breastmilk put them in bottles and send him off for the weeknend. it is never to soon for a boy and his father to begin their relationship. you are lucky that the dad wants to be a part of his life. some dads disappear. or why dont the 2 of you stay at you x's for the weekend. you and the baby in one room and the dad in the other