Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group

have you talked to him about it at all???? if he doesn't tell you the reason, then maybe he contracted an STD from someone and is afraid to tell you he cheated with an STD carrier.

just a guess..

it could be anything

Some men can live without sex. Most men cannot unless there is a medical reason that they can no longer "perform". Perhaps he has ED or something else and is too prideful to admit it to you. I know this has to be hard on you but no matter what do not blame yourself. You sound like a very loving and supportive wife.

i live without sex. i still like to talk about it though. lol. if he doesnt even want to talk about it, then theres more then just a sex drive problem.

theres nothing wrong with sex. just because he doesnt want it, doesnt mean you should give it up. JMO.

I have tried to talk to him, but he wont talk, I also know that he doesnt have ed... or an std, what I have noticed is on the rare occasion when we are intimate, he never has a release, says it takes too long...go figure..whatever it is I love him

I'm not sure a healthy man can live without sex...unless he has avowed himself to some God/religion/spiritual practice. If my wife were asking me for sex, I would be pleased as punch. She has begun menopause, and there seems to be no interest for now...and other health issues seem really tough on her. We talk about it a lot, and it helps some...but is not easy for either of us. My fantasy is that nine months into our marriage, our sex life would be a lot more abundant. I sure hope your hubby will talk about it with you...if not, perhaps you could ask him to get some counseling with you? He might be feeling very inadequate? I'm with you on loving regardless...but it does not make the "rejection" easier. Hope this helps.

Hi Lancesgirl. There are some medical reasons that can be factors here. Two that I know of are a thyroid level that is either too high or too low, or a low testosterone level. If you can talk him into getting a physical, maybe he could get blood work done and you'd have an answer to your problem.

Does he have any other symptoms? Depression or post-traumatic stress disorder can cause a lack of sex drive. Was he always like this or just recently? Ask yourself if anything tramatic or life changing happened during that time frame. Is he under any unusal amount of stress at work, extended family, or with his health in general?

I feel for you Lancesgirl and I am right where you are. My husband has had a low sex drive for many years now and around March of this year announced that he loves me, but must not be "in love with me" because he doesn't feel any urge to have sex with me. Long story short, he's been in therapy since and we just uncovered a repressed sexual abuse memory that has been affecting his whole life and he didn't know it. He only found out about 2 weeks ago about the abuse, and our sex life is non-exsistent. However, he's working very hard in therapy and his therapist is optimistic he will regain a normal intimacy level once he's reconciled himself to what's happened to him.

I hope your husband sees the effect on you that the lack of intimacy is causing and eventually is willing to do something about it. If not, I recommend therapy for yourself so your self-esteem doesn't tumble. If he sees you going, perhaps he then would be willing to sit in on a session or 2 and talk out the marital issues.

Good luck to you! I KNOW how hard it is!

could be any number of factors. did u both ever have a sex life? alot of men are embarrassed that they have ED.


i hate to say this, maybe u should give him an ultimatum. he needs to at least tell you why he doesn't want to have sex.

Men can definitely go without sex for extended periods of time. However, it sounds like there is an underlying reason why he isn't interested. A medical condition is certainly a possibility. However, what I wonder from this and from some of your other posts is whether you have taken the time to ask him why he doesn't want to have sex, rather than -- in your words -- crying, begging, and pleading. The bottom line is that men and women communicate differently. It sounds like you are begging him to meet your emotional needs, and his response is to (as you say in another post) pay the rent, buy your food, etc. Men show their love for us through being a provider and through "fixing things." Sometimes it isn't easy for them to share their feelings. He may be more willing to work on fixing the "lack of sex" problem if you ask him for suggestions on how to do so. I certainly agree with those who have suggested loving him regardless of what the problem is. I hope things work out for you two and wish you the best!!

I feel for you and have been in your shoes EXACTLY. If people wanted to know the REAL way I changed my stance on sex,it was through those exact things you've dealt with.

I was a very sexual person when I met my husband. He was not. He claimed it was because he didn't see me as a sexual person,reality was past use of depression meds decreased his sexual desire. Also his thoughts on healthy couple's sex was marred with religious under tones that extended past healthy. Alcohol and smoking are other great reduces in sex drive too. Combine things like anti depressants and alcohol and he's really in trouble! It took six years before my husband and I had a healthy sex life(let's just say, begging and crying did nothing,I had to be patient and insist we find a solution.

It's frustrating most definitely,especially if things were normal previously and now they've stopped. Most definitely he needs to see a doctor and find out why. There's always a possibility there's more serious reasons other than say cheating.

Keep your chin up. Don't try making up possible reasons until you both can figure out more clearly what the possible physical/psychological issues he's having that's impeding things. Sometimes while having to be patient,(cough,cough),you'll need to service yourself for the time being :-)

Hugs,