Sexual abstinence is the practice of voluntarily refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity. Common reasons to deliberately abstain from the physical expression of sexu...
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Caught with a Love Addiction
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I wonder if anyone in here knows about love addiction. I never knew it existed until I started reading self help books. I’ve been suffering terribly, mostly grieving over a lost romantic friendship. I have been practicing celibacy for over 20 years. I thought it was a mature decision. I never thought I would marry. But I was going to give it all up for this girl I fell for at work. She became the subject of every love song in my mind. I saw her as an epiphany in my lonely life. I thought it was magic that she brought me away from my self imposed prison. But I was slow on the take when she wanted to have sex. Celibates don’t carry condoms! She became frustrated that I wouldn’t sleep with her I think. She told me I need to be more spontaneous. Then she went from hot to cold overnight. She became secretly enraged towards me. Then out of the blue, she complained to my employers. The only reason I was not fired was that she never told me that she had changed her mind about us… It was the most embarrassing betrayal of my life. All my (spotless) laundry was dragged out into the light. She even goes around openly talking about personal stuff I told her… Yet, even after all that, I am having a very difficult time letting this girl go. She is now openly flirting with one of my other friends. He tells me he’s not attracted to her, but how can he resist such overt sexual interest from this amazing beautiful woman? Then one day I caught her in a lie… I did not tell her that I knew she lied. Regardless, I think they hooked up. Now we have this twisted love triangle going on – and I’m the bad guy. I am the creep… It sounds romantic to be so in love with someone, but it is actually scary for me. The idea that I may have deeper psychological issues going on troubles me a great deal. In fact, I feel on the verge of panic because my whole self image as a celibate has turned around now. Was my choice to remain celibate a virtue, or was I simply giving in to my fears of intimacy and abandonment. I wonder if my whole life is a lie at this point. What have I lost? Who am I?
Posted on 07/09/08, 05:07 pm |
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it sounds like you were betrayed by lust. 
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I am so sorry this has happened to you. You did the right thing by not having sex with her. She showed you her true colours. You need to get refocused on something positive. I will pray for you
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Unfortunately, you may feel addicted to love because of her, but please select another candidate because she clearly did not love you. I can prove it. You seem like the type of guy who deserves so much more.
Reason #1: Love is patient... (I Corinthians 13:4) Since she wanted to force you to compromise your vow to be celibate, this was not an expression of love. You did not give her what she wanted, and now you feel as if you've done something wrong although you haven't. Reason #2: She seemed to bring about conflict - by growing angry in one night and seeking to ridicule you publicly. "A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife." (Proverbs 15:18) Reason #3: Liers should be avoided at all cost. Even God doesn't want them around. "O LORD, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness,and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend." (Proverbs 15:1-3) Your choice to remain celibate is commendable. You may have some concerns about intimacy and commitment...I mean, who doesn't? Just remember that at the end of the day - every day - you (and only you) will have to accept the decisions you've made that day. These decisions may be blissful in the moment, but later bring guilt and shame. On the contrary, these decisions may seem weird and unreasonable to most people, but later bring you a sense of self-worth and distinction. Additionally, these decisions could be life changing and impact your daily life. Do your best to take care of you regardless of what seems popular. ...and for the record, you've only lost the presence of a physically beautiful woman...but that's all it seems she had to offer. Underneath her lovely exterior it's not so pretty based on her actions. Remember you've gained peace of mind from this incidence (and reassurance in celibacy) because she didn't manage to manipulate you into doing something you would eventually regret. Who are you?...You were "challenged for being celibate," but now you are "victoriously virtuous." Take Care!
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