Grieving Mother's Day
This will be the second Mother's Day without my mother and I am noticing a trend. About mid-April it starts - the commercials, the billboards, and newspaper ads collectively describing the "perfect" gift to give or place to go for Mother's Day. At first I felt a slight twinge of sadness, but being the well trained therapist that I am, I ignored it! Still, the deluge of reminders kept coming and coming. Eventually, I just wanted to scream, "Enough already, I know it's Mother's Day!" As much as I wanted to ignore it, I just couldn't. I was bombarded with these messages.
I wish that alongside all of the Happy Mother's Day cards, there were other cards that acknowledge those of us who have a difficult time with the day. For instance, people in my situation, whose mother has passed away or mothers whose children have passed away. Also people who, for whatever reason, are estranged from their mothers or mothers who are estranged from their children. Somehow, if you do not have a mother in good standing, it can feel as if you don't exist. Well, to all of you grieving this Mother's Day for reasons that I mentioned or those that I did not, I want to acknowledge you and offer this prayer. Not only has it brought me comfort, it brought my mother comfort, too. I found it among her things after she died. So, this is for all of you who are grieving this Mother's Day...
In the rising of the sun and its going down, we remember them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.
In the opening buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them.
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.
So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us, as we
remember them.
~~Hebrew Union Prayer Book~~
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42
My mother's day was hard because I am estranged from my daughter and my son only had time for a 5 minute phone call. Thank you for acknowledging that not all mother/children relationships are wonderful, and that the rest of us REALLY need support. I loved the prayer, by the way.
By revpatty May 19, 2008 6:43pm
41
Thank you, mother's day is terrible for me and you helpk
My mother loved me and was so giving we were always togethter.
Thanks again for writing this
By kellie58 May 17, 2008 12:41pm
40
Thank you for writing this! My mom and dad got divorced 2 years ago, and my mom moved to Florida...16 hours away! Mother's Day is rough now...she calls me crying and then I feel bad. I still call her everyday, but I never know what to say without making her upset. I'm sure things will get easier soon.
By massagetech1 May 15, 2008 2:42pm
39
Thank you for a gentle walk. You sound like a gifted therapist.
My mother taught me
More than the teachers ever did.
My mother loved me
More than all my lovers ever could.
My mother showed me
How to be happy
All the time.
And my mother
Taught me about Jesus.
By tmarkl May 15, 2008 1:21pm
38
I have been so ill that I am quite isolated from the world currently so this website looks like it's going to be a tremedous source of comfort and education for me. From what I'm seeing there are people who get involved here on a daily basis and that says to me that they must care. What a beautiful prayer. I wish I had seen it a few days ago as I had a very difficult time Sunday. I pray it will be the last worst Mothers Day I have to spend. I want to find other ways to deal with my grief which is why I'm here, seeking and reaching out. Thank you. Carole
By lilmskeys May 14, 2008 1:45am
37
Thank you for writing this! I lost my Mom when I was 19 in 1994. She died in a car wreck so we didn't know she was going. I'm also a Mother of 3. They are wonderful kids and always make/give me something nice. I know I hate Mothers Day but I am a Mom myself that seems to be so hard. I also know it has been since 94 but you will always remember. I just want to know when will I stop being mad all together.
Anyways just thought I would share!
By fightingmom May 13, 2008 1:53pm
36
Thanks Julie, for such beautiful poem. I wrote to you yesterday, but didn't send my comment correctly, I guess. As for me, Mother's Day was the worse ever because mother died 4 months ago, and I'm so upstted
over losing her. This is one day, I refused to answer my phone, because I just didn't feel up to communiating with anyone. I just wanted to be
at home, in a room alone, and watch a movie. brominds
By brominmae May 13, 2008 12:26am
35
I lost my mom 1-07. I am due in September with my first child and am in the middle of a divorce due to my husband's infidelity. This could've been a devastating Mother's Day but I didn't allow myself to get depressed. Things will always get better.
By mistimp May 12, 2008 5:28pm
34
I lost my mom 4 years ago and it doesn't get easier. But mine is under a different circumstances of not missing her. But I do miss my grandmother who also help raise me. Good luck and the poem is nice
By levic991 May 12, 2008 2:49pm
33
It's not my mom, but my dad died in Dec 1993, and I still go out and find that special card for him for Father's Day. Sometimes I even go through with buying it. It lets me know that I still remember him, and appreciated what he did for me when he was alive.
By SigS May 12, 2008 2:00pm
32
What a lovely prayer. Thank you.
As for the reason we do not see cards for people who havelost their mother, or mother's who have lost children, it's simple. There is no one to sell a gift for. So many of our holidays were created as a marketing ploy so if we can't buy them a gift we will not see any recognition on television ads or in the newspaper or magazines.
I have such a dislike for any holiday advertising. It tells us that if we want to be the perfect spouse we have to buy a $50,000 car for our loved one, if we don't want to be an ungrateful child we'll order that heart shaped basket full of flowers. It's all advertising propaganda aimed at making people feel guilty if they don't spend enough money.
By kimk20554 May 12, 2008 1:18pm
31
I do not grieve my mother. Rather, I celebrate the wonders she gave into my life. She passed away over 18 years ago. It took me a few years, but I have thankfulness.
By harry1945 May 12, 2008 12:18pm
30
that is really good. i lost mymom 4 years ago. and if it hadnt been for my church sermon, i would have been super mad. i really wish they would give cards for people liek us. it would help.
By ABrow May 12, 2008 10:34am
29
I lost my mother 20 years ago, here in the uk our Mothers day is in March, but even after all this time , i still feel sad on that day and it makes it harder when everyone is talking about what they've bought their mothers, where they are taking them etc etc and all I get is to go the crematorium with some flowers. It does get easier as time goes by but is still a very sad feeling when it comes around
By janeyjane May 12, 2008 4:59am
28
My mother died 4 months ago of a cancerous brain tumor, today has been an absolutely horrible day for me. I miss her more than anything. Stay strong!
By KiloHotel May 12, 2008 3:36am
27
Julie,
Thank you for sharing this amazing poem. I lost my mom 4 1/2 years ago and this day is really hard for me too. I hope you got through the day with friends, family and fond memories.
By HelloChrissy May 12, 2008 1:13am
26
I agree also. I've been without mom now for 4 years on May 16th. When i see the sunrise,sunset, the stars in the sky, the wind blow, the rain falling, the snow falling, I know she's with me and i'm so blessed that, that beautiful, wonderful woman was a part of my life. I miss her with every breath i take.
By lindarob May 12, 2008 1:08am
25
I totally agree! I wish that there was something for those of us withoutour mothers... cards to send, etc. I love that poem. We read it our support group. Hang in there, I am in pain too... sending hope and comfort to you!
By KelleyS May 12, 2008 12:31am
24
Thank you for that beautiful prayer. I lost my mom 7 months ago so this is my first mothers day without my mom. It has been a really hard day, not to mention the days leading up to it when for the first time I didnt get to spend all the time shopping with my sisters to find her the perfect gift. But I look at my little boy and I know how much I love him and it makes me know how much she loved me too. So once again thank you for the prayer.
By julianna0415 May 11, 2008 11:01pm
23
Thanks for these thoughts to ponder.Most people dont understand why Mothers day is depressing but I lost my mom many years ago.I still miss her very much.Wish I could talk to her one more time.
By jeb14 May 11, 2008 10:03pm