Happy Mother’s Day – Whose Day is it Anyway?
The other day I was chatting with a friend who is both a mother and a new grandmother. We were discussing what the expectations should be (or are) when you do double duty in both of those roles. When you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your family members, and they happen to live near by, a problems in planning and expectations can arise: Whose day is it anyway? Everyone deserves a piece of the action.
Grandmothers tend to win the race by virtue of the fact that they have been doing the mothering thing longer, but the next generation of moms needs to be honored as well because either their real work has only just begun or they're right in the middle of the tough stuff. I think there is room for everyone as long as people are flexible and willing to accommodate their loved ones.
A good rule for moms of all generations is to make your expectations clear without being demanding. What is it that you hope for and desire from this day - time with your children, grandchildren and spouse? If your mate has a normal routine on Sunday mornings that doesn't typically include you, you may want to say, "You know what I would love for Mother's Day, if we could spend the day together instead of you going to the gym Sunday morning." While often the focus is on gift giving, on what has become a Hallmark holiday, it doesn't need to be about material things.
Consider what you really want from your family and are sometimes reluctant to ask for. This is your moment and hopefully you can learn from the exercise and ask for (and get) more of these moments in your life that aren't designated by the calendar. There is a way to have a sense of entitlement that doesn't cross over to the obnoxious. It is a skill that takes practice - you must be assertive but sensitive to your audience. It is about having self esteem and being proud of your role as one of the most valuable members of society, helping to shape the next generation. So while you think about the various moms in your life with whom you need to share your day, don't forget to carve out a piece for yourself as well and enlist your mate and children to help you do just that.
I wish a heartfelt Happy Mother's to all the mothers and grandmothers here at DS. May you get the love and attention you deserve and may you have the courage (and diplomacy) to ask for what you desire.
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Support Groups: Family Issues, Gay Parenting, Grandparents Raising Children, Healthy Relationships, Parenting 'Tweens (9-12), Parenting Big Kids (5-8), Parenting Newborns & Infants (0-1), Parenting Preschoolers (3-5), Parenting Teenagers (12-18), Parenting Toddlers (1-3)
i think every day should be mothers day
By gramasbabies May 12, 2008 12:17am
Mother's Day is just that. It is a day for children to do something special for their mother. Dads can help when little kids are involved. It is not a day for expensive gifts, especially from husbands. That is all commercialization by the jewelry stores. Hand made cards and a breakfast in bed consisting of burnt toast, half cooked eggs, and pancakes as tuff as shoe leather are the order of the day. Grandmother's Day is next month.
By JJFlash083 May 11, 2008 1:18am
I have found that Mother's Day is a set up to be disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I love the hand made notes and pictures that my daughters have made for me over the years. It's just that motherhood should not be a commercial thing. I celebrate Mother's day whenever I can get a glimpse of it. The times that I know my children truly love me and give me a special hug, smile or thank you. These things are priceless. Holidays like this are a type of "forced intimacy". As mothers we prepare meals, drive, kiss boo boos, support and love. Why on top of all of this should we have to "campaign" for our own special day? I agree that we have to care for ourselves and be assertive. This should be a daily goal that isn't reserved for one day a year. Difficult to do, but worth it.
By 070468 May 10, 2008 5:09pm
I am both a mother and grandmother of nine. I have adopted my 6 year old granddaughter who is bi-polar and adhd and I would really like to just have a quiet peaceful day, I also have a 14 year old granddaughter living with me and they fight like sisters. I think it be nice if someone would take the two girls for a few hours and I could just spend a few moments to myself. Does that sound selfish?
By oreogram May 9, 2008 9:04pm
I am both a mother and grandmother of nine. I have adopted my 6 year old granddaughter who is bi-polar and adhd and I would really like to just have a quiet peaceful day, I also have a 14 year old granddaughter living with me and they fight like sisters. I think it be nice if someone would take the two girls for a few hours and I could just spend a few moments to myself. Does that sound selfish?
By oreogram May 9, 2008 9:04pm
Nicely said, cyn.
By DJH May 9, 2008 5:01pm