Baby Dust

I remember each step of my struggle with infertility. I remember going from possible problem to possible solution, learning about each test, each drug, each surgery. My knowledge of infertility increased as the years ticked past, as I got older, but with no child in my arms. Then as I had miscarriage after miscarriage, I learned about those, too. What did I learn that I can pass on in a blog?

The saying “Knowledge is power” does apply to infertility and miscarriage. Being unable to get pregnant or stay pregnant left me feeling very helpless, powerless to control my own life. But the more I knew about my condition, the better I felt about how to handle it. The more information I had, the more informed my conversations with my doctors were, and I felt more involved in the steps I was taking to have a baby.

• Every time I went to meet with a doctor, (and over the years, it was a lot of doctors!) I brought Scotty, paper and a pen. I was getting so much information thrown at me; it was all I could do to keep it straight. I took notes, and asked Scotty to take notes. (If your partner cannot go with you, ask a close friend, your mom, or sister, anyone else who can listen, ask questions and take notes). The entire situation was so emotionally draining, so it was a good idea to have two sets of ears…sometimes Scotty and I heard different things, and asked different questions that the other person hadn’t thought to ask, etc. It was very helpful.

• When I got home, I went over my notes, and my doctors’ answers to my questions. I looked things up on the internet. (I didn’t have DS, but you do! Get back on DS; join any new communities that might now apply. For instance, let’s say your doctor determines you have PCOS, join that community ask the ladies what their experiences have been. Gather as much information as you can).

• I asked for copies of any lab work or surgery reports. (Do this while you are at the doctor’s office. It’s much easier that way then to call later, and try to have a busy nurse find your file, go through it, and fax a report to you. At the visit, your chart is right there, and the labs you were discussing that day will be right on top).

• I got a three ring binder, and kept all my notes, questions and lab/surgery reports together. I hope you will not need this binder, but if you end up seeing more than one doc, it is unbelievably helpful to have all your reproductive information, in order, for your next doc/specialist to review, and for you to go over anytime you need to remind yourself of anything. I actually had 3 large binders after 6 years of infertility and miscarriages, and by the time I had seen 7 different doctors- one OB, four REs, one fetal-maternal specialist and one hematologist, I was the ONLY person who had all the information in one place and knew what the other doctors had tested for and found

• And most importantly to me was that I found doctors that listened to my story as an individual, and looked past the lab results. I found both an OB and an RE who seemed to understand how painful this whole ordeal was, and treated me with tenderness, not just medicine. If your doctor doesn’t listen, or you don’t connect, it’s OK to keep looking. You will be spending a good amount of very intimate time with your doctors, so keep looking until you find ones you really like.