How a Nagging Mother can Improve Your Mental Health!
When I was a teenager I used to hide from my mother. From my 15 year old perspective, my mother was no fun to be around and if she managed to capture my attention for more than a minute it was usually to unload a list of undone chores which I would avoid doing as long as humanly possible or until my allowance was held as ransom, whichever came first. But the passage of time often softens perspective, and as an adult I've learned that often mother does know best!
Of course, when my mother chased after me to help around the house I'm sure she wasn't thinking about how keeping my physical space in order could decrease depressive symptoms or could reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks. But as a therapist, that's my job!
I have noticed that often when a client feels chaotic and stuck in their lives that their home is in the same cluttered and messy condition. And the opposite is true; when a client feels clear headed and easily moves through life, their physical space is equally and neatly aligned.
If I had only listened to my mother way back when and cleaned my room on a regular basis, maybe I would have had an easier time making decisions and moving through tough times. It also raises an interesting question: If I clean my room will that clear my head? Or, if I clear my head it will be easier to clean my room? I don't think that there is a text book answer but I would venture a guess it's the first one.
There is something in the act of "starting" and "finishing" chores that is healing and healthy. Some people even make check lists of their chores and find it satisfying to check each one off when completed. Here's the short list of chores that my mother used to nag me about and how I think it applies to good mental health:
- Clean your room: A clean and neat environment promotes calmness and clarity.
- Don't be late to school: Being attentive and productive in your work, whether it's on a job site or at home has a big impact on how you feel about yourself.
- Feed the dog: Caring for others instills a purpose in life that is greater than ourselves and teaches the value in being selfless.
- Wash behind your ears: Practicing good self-care on a regular basis such as; exercise, diet, hygiene, meditation and play will beat back depressive symptoms often faster than medication.
- Share your toys: Learning to play well with others teaches you how to build relationships which helps when times get tough and you feel all alone.
What chores did your mother or father used to (or currently) nag you about? Did it (or does it) have a positive impact on your mental health? If you're feeling a generalized sense of chaos, confusion or "stuckness" try tackling one of those old nagging one-liners that your mother used to throw out and see if she really does know best!
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16
I used to go barefoot all the time. When I was 12 my mom started nagging me to wear shoes every time I went out the door. Now, my feet are extremely tender and I MUST wear shoes. I guess Mom saved my feet from serious injury, but sometimes I miss having hard soles.
By jaybear August 16, 2008 11:28am
15
Sorry to say this, but I had a nagging mother, now I am a dissociative BP'r with psychosis!
By roseypeach July 12, 2008 2:59am
14
Thank you so much for this article!! As a current nagging mother, I was beginning to feel ready to give up. But these simple ideas make good sense and since my daughter is sensible, I am hoping to appeal to that side of her. Now, if I can just get my own room clean!!!!!
By uptownmom July 7, 2008 10:11am
13
She used to tell me to stand up straight and not to bite my nails. I now have started telling my not quite 2 year old not to bite her nails - Guess who she's learnt it from :-(
She was so right about the stand up straight thing though. It makes ones figure look better and one feel better about oneself.
By ClaresMom July 3, 2008 8:58pm
12
one thing I don't like is when my mother comes over to my house while I am at work and will clean the house for me, makes me feel guilty or something, I know she is doing it to be helpful, but I prefer to clean it myself, and get that good feeling that comes after, (although sometimes it's just a empty feeling in a clean house.)
By insomniatonite July 2, 2008 8:57am
11
I really like this, and agree
By insomniatonite July 2, 2008 8:53am
10
If only those were the only things moms mag about!
My mom got much more personal: don't talk/laugh so loud; stay right next to me in public; let me answer for you; don't embarrass me again; don't lie to me; let me smell you to see if you're lying to me again; why can't you be like other kids and make me proud; why can't you be like I was when I was your age; why can't you keep quiet in front of other people; why don't you treat me like I treated my mother; why don't you. . . .
Chores I could have handled, but she never let me. I couldn't mow the lawn, I might hurt myself with the big bad dangerous mower, I couldn't wash the dishes because she had to make sure they were clean, I couldn't do my own laundry because she'd be too embarrassed if I didn't get it perfectly clean. . . .
So as far as I can tell from my experience, nagging only made my mental health issues WORSE!
By dirkthedog July 2, 2008 3:35am
9
my nagging mother gets in the way cause she treats me like a slave and makes me do everything while she sits on her butt and reads. it especially gets on my nerves right before a major test she has me clean the whole house when it would be more beneficial to study. it wouldn't be as bad if she did what she told me to do every now and then especially when she knows i am exhausted and need to study
By DisApeArfromME July 1, 2008 10:21pm
8
Nothing I ever did was good enough for my mother. She was a teen parent, I rarely saw her, and when I did, there was no affection. I am now 29, and living at home because of my illness. I see in my 18 year old sister the same damage my mother had done to me, damage I've spent years trying to prevent in my little sister. The only thing our mother ever taught us was low self-esteem, and to know neither of us ever want to be the kind of mother she was. Putting the silver-ware the exact right way in the drawer so she doesn't blow a fit isn't a life lesson, its a lesson in zero-tolerance for anything less than perfection.
By beingmyself July 1, 2008 6:11pm
7
my parents never nagged me to do any chores because i was always more than eager to do them and infact would often do more than was needed (like cleaning the living room as well as cleaning my bedroom) I find now in my adult years doing those chores still gives a sense of pride and it is very true that if your home is messy you can feel messy yourself. I fight every day just to be able to do my chores around the house.. it hurts like hell to move about and clean and scrub but afterwards even though i am physically paying for it mentally I am much happier and glad that i did it.
By marshmallowocelot July 1, 2008 1:08pm
6
As above, so below. As within, so without.
I think there is some truth in this.
By wannabewell July 1, 2008 6:04am
5
My mother was evil incarnate. Even if what she said was the right thing to do, I would have a hard time doing it anyway, just because of the abuse and my extreme dislike of her. I think it is true however, what you are saying. My difficulty is, sorting out what she said from healthy truth, and the toxic things. There are a lot more toxic than healthy, so it is a difficult task, and often seems not worthwhile.
Right now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place -- I live in a 23foot travel trailer with as many belongings as I can hold on to....waiting for a social security hearing. I have next to no income, so no way to try to move somewhere else (living in a friends' driveway) right now. I am organized, but cramped. I am waiting for the $$, hopefully, and also if I get approved for SSI, will be eligible for other things as well that I am not eligible for right now. So, which comes first, removing the clutter, or waiting for SSI so I can get a real place and not be cluttered?
By starfish June 30, 2008 8:12pm
4
What I don't like about alot of parents today, is how they try to "control" what their kids do, even after they turn 18.. like one of my friends on here, she's 19, and her parents don't like her talking on the computer at all, so they took away her internet access just to punish her for being on the computer.
I'm 37 years old and although I've never had kids before, I look at what her parents are doing to her and I think "this is no freaking way I would EVER treat my child like that." I wouldn't care if she was 8 or 20, you don't schold and yell at your children like that just because they do something you don't particularly like or agree with..
Parents need to learn to "let go" of their children, because it just bothers me to NO END how parents do that. If I ever have kids oneday, as I'm sure I probably will, I would NEVER take their internet or telephone privledges away from them EVER.. its one thing to send your 8 year old to their room for doing something bad, but its totally different when the child is 18 or 19 years old when there a GROWN ADULT and can make their own decisions in life.
The other thing is she is dating a man older then her, so they want her to move out, but they don't like the guy she is dating, so they gave her an ultimatum saying "if you stop seeing this guy we will help you move, otherwise we will not help you in any way" I'm thinking, what the heck kinda parents are those to treat their children like that??!!!! They don't have to trust the guy, but they should at LEAST trust their own daughter to make her own decisions if nothing else... parents are just idiots nowadays I am so sick of hearing about all these stories like this, parents who have children of ANY age need to stop being so strict, or they'll push their child right out the door forever! I'm completely serious on that.
By tcoburn June 30, 2008 7:39pm
3
sorry but this not true for me.
By HUGSANDKISS June 30, 2008 6:42pm
2
Great article and very true. I often ask my clients who keep piles of things around their house (for the metaphorical answer to), "what's in your piles?" I think clutter represents many things - being stuck and avoidance are among them.
By CSR June 30, 2008 6:26pm
1
wow this is so true. when my home is clean i feel so much better about life in general than when its not.
By missknownada June 30, 2008 1:49pm